


Mao Mao and the Celestial Empress

by Pathologies



Category: Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Multi, Original Character(s), Post-Canon, Psychological Trauma, Science Fiction, Weird Plot Shit, but first youre gonna deal with evil empire shit, cause I guess I kind of see this as Way in the future, characters/ships added as plot goes along, oh god we're gonna get you some therapy, warning: british people
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24764719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pathologies/pseuds/Pathologies
Summary: As protector of Pure Heart Valley, life couldn't get any better for Mao Mao. There's no problem he can't handle...right?
Relationships: Badgerclops/Mao Mao Mao
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56





	1. The Body Natural

Pure Heart Valley was always beautiful, the way the sky had that crystalline quality to it like a pool of fresh water. Rarely a stormy day for the sheriff and his family. Mao Mao found the childlike and campy spirit of the kingdom off-putting, even annoying at first but now he finds waking up to it brought a fresh feeling to his face. He couldn’t shake off that enthusiasm if he tried! Because if there was one thing he did well, it was nudging a groggy Badgerclops out of the bed, serving a fresh breakfast for Clops truly and his number one hero apprentice Adorabat, and kicking lots of bad guy-slash-monster butt.

He hit the table when the Valley’s alarm (voice brought to you by King Snugglemagne), flipping his trusty sword Geraldine right into his gloved paw. He licked at his drink with a satisfactory slurp, “Ahh another monster today? Sure, I could go for a little baddie-booty-blasting-cardio.” He stretched.

“You’re in a good mood today,” said Badgerclops, setting his plate aside with a cynical squint, “What, did Orangusnake trip down the stairs off his pirateship in a totally implausible way? Is that it? Cause like...why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve made that viral, honeycakes.”

Mao Mao scoffed, “What, do I need a reason to be happy? Is that what my happiness is? Like, dependent on arbitrary things beyond my control????”

“Yeah that’s exactly it,” Badgerclops said, adjusting the coils of his cybernetic arm.

Adorabat beamed, circling round his head, “Oooh Mao Mao? When you’re fighting the monster can I jab them in the eye?? Please?? I been practicing real hard on Kevin!”

“Huh,” Badgerclops said, “So that’s why Kevin’s looked so weird lately.”

“Adorabat we’re a team,” he gently patted her head, “And all teamwork has one thing:”

“Trust?” asked Badgerclops.

“Heart?” asked Adorabat.

“Nope!” Mao Mao flipped out the doorway and onto his aerocycle, “Mind-blowing improvisation!”

“I mean...” the badger clambered aboard, “I wouldn’t have gone with that, but okay that works I guess.”

“Impervisualisation!” roared Adorabat.

“Not exactly—eh you got the spirit,” Mao Mao chuckled, “Anyway, to another day of being the best heroes in HISTORY!”

Adorabat screamed, none of it words.

Turns out the threat came this time from the edge of the forest bordering the Valley. When the trio landed there, they weren’t sure what they expected. It had the makings of a monster with a massive dry grey skinned hide, its twelve jutting horns popping from its nearly cow-like face, and its pulsating one eye. But yet…

“Uh Badgerclops?” Mao Mao got off his aerocycle.

“Yeah, I see it,” he replied.

Mao Mao gestured to the beast, “It’s just standing there.”

“And pulsating.” said Badgerclops.

“Standing AND pulsating!” Mao Mao groaned.

“Bugging me how much that eye’s pulsating, dude,” said Badgerclops.

“OK CAN WE FORGET ABOUT THE PULSATING?!” Mao Mao calmed down.

“This is already boring,” Adorabat said, “Can’t Badgerclops just blow it up with his arm?”

“Yeah can’t I?” asked the cyborg.

“No one’s blowing up anything!” Mao Mao seethed, “Looks like this is just a typical Code Blue Hanky.”

“Oh yeah,” Badgerclops laughed, “’Snugglemagne wants to get rid of an ugly person from his field of vision’. It’s cute how you two like, have a code.”

Mao Mao made a frustrated throat noise, “Ok just focus. Improvise. Badgerclops, use your arm to lead him away. Adorabat, keep a lookout for any Sweetypies so they don’t accidentally get crushed by this big lugged. Then we’ll call it a day.”

“On it, babycakes!” Badgerclops saluted before stretching out his cybernetic arm, the very end of it now turning into a softly glowing light. It stopped before the beast, waving it back and forth in front of its one eye. Soon the pulse of Badgerclops’ flashlight matched the pulse of the creature’s eye. They began to make a long droning moo.

“Thaaaat’s it big weirdo, go into the light,” coaxed the badger, leading them further away from the Valley.

Mao Mao sighed, satisfied with his team, “Good one, Badgerclops.”

“Um, Mao Mao?” asked Adorabat.

“Yeah-huh, Adorabat?” asked the feline.

“I didn’t see any Sweetypies but um...” she motioned downwards.

Mao Mao quirked a brow, craning the upper half of his body towards Adorabat.

She whispered in the direction of his big ears, “I don’t think we know any tall people who like standing in the trees do we?”

Mao Mao’s iris moved slightly. There, standing on the branch on one of the Valley’s pines was a tall figure indeed. He might have seen their face, if it wasn’t for the silver drapery getting in the way of everything. On instinct (Improvisation!) Mao Mao threw his sword at the stalker, “AHA! Using a dumb animal to distract while you prepare a secret ambush as the enemy gently herds it away….” he scoffs, “...oldest trick in the book.”

From the hood shot out a massive hand, perfectly catching the blade just by their fingertips. They jumped, landing on both their feet with a subtle rumble, “Good. Trickery is not my method. I’d rather not hold back.”

The hood dropped back to reveal a moose. One would have to suppose a moose from two facts: they had a solid silver mask shaped into the facial features of a moose and actual moose horns.

Mao Mao guffawed, “Alright! An actual common scum, ready for the scratching post of justice! Can you believe this Badgerclops?!”

“Aw what?!” groaned the badger, still herding the beast, “I was looking forward to chilling!!! Now there’s more than one thing?! I can’t Believe this day….”

“I’ll be your second thing,” called out an airy, vibrato voice. Immediately in Badgerclops’ face was a robot. Badgerclops would have to guess robot anyway since a translucent skull with bright yellow balls for eyes and flickering lights for teeth didn’t inspire great ideas the further one got away from ‘robot’.

Badgerclops gave a startled yelp, “YEAH HI. Maybe instead of that, maybe you could start with ‘Hi’ or ‘here’s an explanation as to what the hell am I?!’”

“Badgerclops don’t swear in front of Adorabat!” admonished Mao Mao.

“Yeah but it’s a thing—AND NOW IT’S MOUTH IS ON MY HAND!!!” That bot didn’t waste time unclenching its jaw and getting right to business biting down on his robot hand. Worse, wires stretched from the skull to wriggle in several spaces in the badger’s arm plating, “MAO MAO THIS IS SOOO GROSS.”

“Ugh Adorabat help him!” Mao Mao turned to the cloaked stalker, “So where were we? The kicking your butt and making you sorry part?”

“This part.” they said coldly as they pulled Mao Mao by the scruff of his cape and flung him hard into a tree.

Meanwhile as Badgerclops screamed at the machine on his machine, Adorabat appraised the problem with a “Hm.” Before screaming hard in the skull-machine’s direction.

The cyborg badger groaned, “Auuuugh Adorabat I’m right here!”

“Oh sorry!” she said before she flopped onto the machine and started chewing on its translucent material.

“WHY IS MY LIFE LIKE THIS?!” bellowed Badgerclops.

Meanwhile Mao Mao pricked pine after pine needle from his fur, wincing after each chuckle, “Hooo yeah it’s been ages since I faced a bad guy like you. Ooh yeah this is gonna make things fuuuun.”

“’Bad guy’,” the moose said thoughtfully, “I only see lost souls here.”

Mao Mao rolled his eyes as he made a leaping kick for the enemy’s stomach, “Oh boy, another cosplayer gonna serve me a speech about how I’m the bad guy and you’re actually the good guy? Ohohoho give me a br--”

Mao Mao met with a solid boot to his stomach. His mouth knotted up from the shock of the impact. The stranger replied, “There is no speech. Just salvation.” Another kick, “Or punishment.”

At this point Mao Mao was getting frizzled in his fur, laughing from the thrill of a worthy fight. He’s missed an opponent who could actually put out. “Is it weird I’m liking you? Everything you do makes me want to know more but at the same time...it makes me want to kick your butt harder!”

The feline made a warrior’s bellow, throwing himself bodily at the stranger with his teeth bared.

“You play your part well. Another time perhaps,” they said, catching Mao Mao by the scruff of the cape again. They motioned to the skull-bot, who spat out Badgerclops’ arm.

“Oh my shit that was the nastiest non-Pinkie experience,” said Badgerclops.

As Badgerclops spoke, columns of cerulean light pierced from the clear lake blue of the sky, an unnatural light that swallowed both the masked moose and the skull creature whole. The light grew to a harsh brightness, forcing the trio to shade over their eyes until it passed.

Mao Mao grumbled patting his effects, “Wait. Waitwaitwaitwait. He took Geraldine!” He sobbed, “GERALDINE!”

“They’ll come back...you know, for a rematch right?” Adorabat tried to console.

“Yeah now who’s ready to do nothing cause I’m WH—wha—WHAT—the—but the—and Kevin!? KEVIN?!” Badgerclops’ tongue had broken down and given up.

“Badgerclops can it wait I’m Grieviiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngwwwwwwwwwhaaaaaaaat!?” Mao Mao’s sorrow got overridden with shock when the badger turned his head to what made Badgerclops lose the ability to speak.

It was Pure Heart Valley. Was the key term. There was no Pure Heart Valley. No strangers, no monsters, they were all gone. Instead there laid a field of tall grass interspersed with…

“Flowers?” asked Adorabat.

Carolina roses...” said Badgerclops, “Are...did they….turn the Valley into carolina roses?” After some silence, “What? There’s no shame in gardening, bro.”

***

A figure sat in a lotus position across a barracks bed in the dark. One golden eye opened when a cerulean electric torch flickered on.

“See I told you she’d be here,” snickered the translucent machine, “Always ‘ruminating’.”

“Singular,” the masked moose scolded, “What is the creed?”

“’I see but say nothing’” he says mechanically, “There, you happy? Don’t understand why Milady wouldn’t let me chomp on those porky little brats. You coulda waited for me till I chomped on that nasty little flier. Don’t need to say anything to See the terror on their faces….”

Having her daily share of Singular, she interrupted, “The excursion went as Milady predicted I trust, then, oh Unforgiven Squire?”

Unforgiven Squire cleared their throat, “Of course. We have the Ruby Pure Heart. As Milady designed.”

“I don’t see what part of Milady’s design needs you sitting it out lately,” hissed Singular.

“I see but say nothing for now, Singular,” she said, closing her eyes, “Milady wishes me to act in a different stage. One just as important as yours.”

“Oh I’m sure,” sneered Singular, “But I think there was someone who would have miiiiissed you today~ Fancy wouldn’t it? A little reunion and tears right before you shove the bla--”

“Enough,” scolded Unforgiven Squire, pushing Singular back, “Milady will need your skills. Not now. It is not our place to say. Only to observe what she observes.”

She breathed a sigh of relief as she returned to reflection and meditation. But as the two left, Forgiving Squire turned back, tossing a golden blade next to her bed, “A trinket from our victory. Only right for you to have it.”

The one on the bed didn’t lift the fallen blade from the floor, merely stared at it and the reflection within its metal.

_I see but say nothing_ , she thought.


	2. Heaven, Envious of Our Joys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all are enjoying this, I've had this on the brain burner for awhile. Side note: watch the flowers.

Mao Mao collapsed exhausted on his couch, mumbling with a haggard and frizzled look to his face, “Did we check--?”

Badgerclops was already fed up, “YES we checked Stab Gorge AND Desolate Prairie City AND the Quaint Hill Villages, all of them more than three times!”

He smacked his feline lips, vaguely remembering that he was in a dry state of mind, “Maybe if we do it one more time...”

“It’s been weeks,” the badger collapsed on the couch cushion next to him, making ripples in the couch, “No one’s seen or heard not so much as a head or roofing shingle of the Valley! But more important than the Valley is you,” he tilted the sheriff’s head upwards to meet his eye and eyepatch, “How much sleep did you get? Did you eat? Drink?”

“A hero can do that stuff,” groaned Mao Mao, pushing himself away, “After he fixes his mistake.”

“You’re running yourself ragged,” Badgerclops pinched the bridge of his nose, “Adorabat, help me out!”

Adorabat couldn’t offer much advice with her current hobby of gazing longingly out the windowsill, “Mmmm maybe later. I’m still feeling I miss everything in a conflicted sad kind of way….”

“Ok you just...keep doing that I guess.” Badgerclops was between a depressed kid and a wreck of a feline in denial. “Mao Mao this isn’t like you!”

“You don’t get it.” sighed the feline, miserably wrapping himself in his cloak, “No one remembers heroes who failed their village and let it get kidnapped. They don’t even get a footnote. Not even clickbait.”

“I didn’t want to do this,” said Badgerclops, “But you brought me too it, babe. This is on you!”

His arm reached into the fridge, pulling a hastily foil-wrapped plate of cobbler. It wasn't ordinary cobbler, but a concoction he made of the driest stuff by pure accident. And Badgerclops shoved a handful down Mao Mao’s mouth with zero chance for retaliation.

“Hormf!” yelled a cobbler-stuffed Mao mouth, feeling the special dryness reach into him like the choke hold of a desert spirit.

“Mood...” Adorabat said with a mournful voice.

Mao Mao pointed at his throat, hacking out along with crumbs, “Hruater! Hhhhhhhhhrruater!!!”

“That sounded like water so coooming up!” Badgerclops’ arm changed into a hose, the appendage going into the feline’s mouth before firing a good stream of water.  
  
Desperate for liquid, Mao Mao gulped down fast before shoving the cybernetic arm from his mouth with a gasp, “LEAVING ME A CRACKER AND A GLASS OF WATER WASN’T ENOUGH?!”

“HOW WOULD YOU GET YOU TO GET SOME FREAKING FOOD AND WATER?!”

Mao Mao folded his arms, “Ok...you got me...so what now?”

“Just take it easy for now?” asked Badgerclops, “You too, Adorabat.” He brought his arms out to embrace Mao Mao, “The world’s not gonna end. It’s not gonna forget you, I promise.”

The feline’s expression softened, gently patting the badger’s back, “Yeah….I can stock up on...you know...mental...emotional provisions...”

“Ah close enough,” Badgerclops squeezed before eyeing the room. The badger sneaked a quick little peck on the feline’s face.

The sheriff chuckled, “Badgerclops...not while Adorabat’s in the room….”

“Aw come on, that was an E for everyone kiss.” teased the bear, taking another smooch.

Mao Mao snorted, “Yeah just lay off the gamer words, huh buddy?”

“Ffffiiiine,” Badgerclops relented before returning to cuddling with Mao Mao. Adorabat joined, perching on the badger’s shoulders.

“Thanks for letting me be here….” the bat said, “Surviving off other animals is fun but...”

“Adorabat it’s ok,” Mao Mao said, “I’m lucky...I may have lost the Valley...but you two will be here...”

“Speaking of,” said Badgerclops, “Whatever happened to--”

A floor-shaking crash reverberated outside the HQ. Mao Mao drew his sword, charging outside. There on their lawn, a rat and a giraffe were dragging a huge sky pirateship way too big to be dragged on the ropes by two animals.

“Aw boss, did we hafta drag this whole thing here?” complained Ramaraffe, “I’m gettin’ tired!”

“UH YES?” shot back a weaselly voice, “What’s the point of attacking my most hated foe if we don’t bring in the intimidation factor?!”

“Ey boss,” Ratarang said as he collapsed to the ground, “I’m stopsing the moving cause I can’ts with the moves no more, know what I mean? Haha baba-bang ow.”

Whump, dropping before their porch was none other than the sky pirate captain himself, the hybrid of two different animals: Orangusnake. Gently he cradled the rat in his hands, “Dear sweet Ratarang, you take all the time you need...I’ll even take you for a trash treat when this is all done, what do ya say?”

“I says yaaaaaay and stuff!” replied a tired Ratarang.

“Um,” said Badgerclops, “We’re right here?!”

“The house you dropped your eyesore on?!” growled Mao Mao. He didn’t feel up to another pointless fight with Orangusnake. Not after he failed an important aspect of his life.

“YES,” the hybrid flourished his cape and drew a pink laser scimitar, “I came to challenge you for the fate of Pure Heart Valley once and for all!!!”

“UH where have y’all been?” said Badgerclops, pointing to the empty flower valley, “The Valley was straight up Snatched.”

“What.” Orangusnake dropped his sword, “Snatched? Like...gone? Gone gone?”

“Vanished, disappeared, pick a definition and stick with it!” fumed Mao Mao.

“WH--” the snake-orangutan surveyed the valley, “HOW DO YOU LOSE A VALLEY?! WITH CASTLES AND STUFF?!”

“I had this here hat as my sole possession since when I was a hatchling,” intervened Boss Hosstritch, “And I tell you, I ain’t ever lost sight or tail of it.”

“It got stolen!” groaned Badgerclops, “Seriously how are you finding this out just know?!”

“We thought it was a trick by you guys!” said Ramaraffe, “Boss told us you woulda knocked us out and dragged us to a forest that looked exactly the same so we wouldn’t find you! Right, boss?”  
  
“I SAID NONE OF THAT!” fumed Orangusnake, “Just tell me where we can find it so we can drag the ship and claim it first!”

“We don’t KNOW!” growled Mao Mao, “So maybe you should start getting a life!”

“OKAY THEN….” Orangusnake pressed his fingers together, “In that case...can we crash at your place?”  
  
“Oh boy!” said Ramaraffe, “Real non-metal floors to sleep on!”

“You can stay,” Adorabat said, “Only if you obey my every word I say...no matter how much you guys scream and cry for your mommies...”

“Well that’s canceled,” the hybrid said, “Seriously, what do you give this kid?!”

“Can we at least make living accommodations on this here particular frontal area of your living domicile?” asked Boss Hosstritch.

“Ew not when you say it like that,” said Badgerclops.

“Forget it guys,” Orangusnake huddled the sky pirates to him, “Let’s just steal back the Ruby Pure Heart while hero boy over there is having another heart throb depression!”

“I don’t think that sounds right, boss,” said Ramaraffe.

Mao Mao got sick of the antics unfolding on their home. This should be an antics-free zone. He growled, “WOULD YOU LEAVE?! I told you no one will find the Ruby Pure Heart because NO ONE knows where it went!”

“No but I might know where it’s going,” a voice called from above.

The feline gazed upwards. Pulling in from the sky was a golden hovertruck, driven none over by his former tanuki partner.

“Tanyaaaaa,” growled Mao Mao, “What do you know about thiiiiisss.”

“Hold up, mittens,” she said with a sly grin, leaning with her elbow on the window, “This info isn’t going to come free. A girl’s gotta eat. But...you know I can give a partner discount if you can give me something (or someone) fast.”

Mao Mao rapidly glanced around, once to Badgerclops. No no way. But that would leave….”Those guys,” he pointed to the sky pirates, “Someone’s gotta want Orangusnake and his guys for...something right?”

Tanya mused, “Mmm...now you mention it, tall, wide, and scaley is on some people’s radars—mostly companies for ecoterrorism. Yeah, could make some millionaire’s day by handing him over.”

“WHAT?!” hissed Orangusnake, “Don’t think I’m gonna sell out just because I don’t do that protesting stuff anymore! Orangusnake doesn’t forget his roots!”

“But boss!” begged Ratarang, clearly misunderstanding the situation, “You heard the lady! We could gets ourself a nice setup with a dimwit that’s loaded!”

“We can eat non-air food!” cheered the giraffe.

“You guys….” hissed Orangusnake.

“Please boss,” Boss Hosstritch said, “I’m just salivating at the thought of living off the hog of the golden fat.”

“OH FINE,” the hybrid surrendered, “Let’s go.”

“Great!” Tanya conjured a bag in the back of her pickup, “Just get in there and stay in there. You look not smart enough.”

“Wait. THAT WAS ALL IT TOOK?!” yelled Mao Mao.

“That was easy,” guffawed Badgerclops before whispering,, “She is very persuasive.”

Tanya smirked, “What can I say? When you strike out with the boys, I’m their rebound. Now, we had a deal right?”

“Yeah...” grumbled the feline, “So let’s hear it.”

Tanya threw open her door, throwing herself to land beside the trio, “Bout a few months ago there was some ruins. Supposed to be the resting site of a gem like yours.”

“Woah woah wait,” Badgerclops waved his hands, “Are you saying there’s more?”

“Save your questions at the end~But yeah. In this ruins was supposed to be the remains of the Amethyst Pure Mind. So you’d think someone would just steal it, right? What happens instead is the whole ruins are gone. And I mean all of it.” This was the first in a long time he heard Tanya serious, “I was there, mittens. Know what I found?”

“Flowers,” said Mao Mao.

She nodded, “Yep. Like it never existed. Locals said they saw a bright blue flash of light...kind of like a laser hitting the area. Sound familiar?”

“Oh yeah,” beamed Adorabat, “It got hit by a light while fighting these two weirdos that beat up Mao Mao and Badgerclops. I was biting one of their heads!”

“Guess that means whoever took the Amethyst Pure Mind took your Ruby,” she flexed her claws, “But….a laser from the sky….”

“Yeah,” Badgerclops joined in, “It would take an insane amount of gem power. The kind that needs a Ruby Pure Heart level amount of power.”

“That’s the question then, huh,” smirked Tanya, “What does someone want with a powerful gem when they can make whole cities disappear?”

“I guess you have an answer,” said Mao Mao.

She hopped back in her truck, tapping her steering wheel, “Oh I do~ We just have to be at one of the most infamous gem black markets~”

Mao Mao growled, “Tanyaaaaa...”

“So to get your Valley back you gotta be flexible on the rules just this one time,” Tanya sighed, “I’ll pay you back by...obeying a street sign, what do you say?”

“It’ll be an adventure!” said Adorabat, “I’ll carve out a path of pain and fear!”

Mao Mao hopped on his aerocycle, “Can you eat something Legal when we go to lunch? How about that?”

“Uuuugh,” she sighed, “But okay.”

“Pure Heart Valley we’re on our way!” said Badgerclops, scooching close to Mao Mao.

Orangusnake said as he sat snug inside the sack Tanya kept in he truck back, “Riches here we come!”

It was well past sunset and into the night as Tanya and Mao Mao were both flying above the forests and dotted villages.

“So we can pick any dessert we want?” asked Orangusnake, “Like coco catastrophe milkshake surprise?!”

“Oh you bet, my orange and pink friend,” said Tanya.

“Will I get an actual mama?” asked Ratarang.

Tanya snorted, “Oh sure. Rich people...they’ll get you anything you want...just as long as you stay in their captivity.”

“I don’t know why we didn’t do this years ago!” said Orangusnake.

“Oh me and you both,” said Tanya.

Both Badgerclops and Adorabat were sound asleep, gently resting on their driver as they sped across the sky. Mao Mao sped up to match Tanya’s pace, “….so how’s it going?”

“You forget how much this job is advanced babysitting,” she gave the feline a grin, “How about you?”

“Eh...going,” said Mao Mao,”I’ll be a lot better when I get Pure Heart back.”

“And then what?” asked Tanya.

The question gave Mao Mao some pause but he rolled back, “...then I go back to becoming the greatest legendary hero! Of course!”

Their side by side flying continued in quiet for awhile. It felt like forever before Tanya said, “Cute kid you got there….” before adding after a long visual appraisal of Badgerclops, “Cute badger you got there.”

Mao Mao laughed, blushing, “So?”

“I don’t know...you ever thought about just….taking it easy? You know, settling down for a quiet life with your wanted fugitive and the embodiment of sugar over there?”

The feline scoffed, “Tanya, Tanya, Tanya. I can’t stop being a hero! That’s ridiculous! Adorabat and Badgerclops understand. ….what about you?”

The tanuki shrugged, “For me it’s just about...making a big enough score to just….not worry about things like bounties or money anymore.”

“Come on Tanya,” snorted Mao Mao, “I’d give you a day before you went back to bounty hunting.”

“Yeah maybe,” she eyed the feline, “But wouldn’t it be a great ‘up yours’ to your old man by going ‘hey check out this life I made without your help’?”

Mao Mao’s chin sunk to the front of the aerocycle, eyeing if Badgerclops and Adorabat were still asleep, “Who knows...this sounds crazy...and I think I only would tell you and Badgerclops, but sometimes I think I’d be a better hero if I didn’t end up like him at all.” He tried to brush off the seriousness of his thought with a laugh, “But then I think that’s crazy! Crazy isn’t it? Please tell me it’s crazy.”

She shook her head, “Only as crazy as Mao Mao Mao can think up.” She motioned forward, “Over there. We’re getting close.”

Down below the patterns of deep blue deltas cutting triangles of black-black-greenery rushed forward to a conclusion of lights. Grids of sparkling citrine with twinkling neon malachite. Making their descent they could make out the adobe towering skyscrapers jutting between the numerous tents and regular square adobe huts.

“Hmm...been awhile since me and Badgerclops have been out and about like this...” the feline mused.

Tanya grinned, “Well let me be the first to welcome you to Barter York.”

Mao Mao nudged Badgerclops awake as the cyborg made mutterings, “Mmm wha—what?” His eye widened, “Ohhhh my gosh. Okay we gotta let Adorabat see this—YO ADORABAT.”

The bat groggily rose her head from his shoulder. The sleepiness wore off her, replaced by a sparkle in her eyes, matching the twinkle of the city.

“I’m gonna do so much shopping...” breathed Badgerclops.

“Can we fly around the city, Mao Mao?” she asked as she fluttered about Mao Mao’s head, “Can we can we?!”

“We gotta stay focused! The Valley? Evil town-nappers remember?!” hissed Mao Mao.

“Man I thought your thing was improvisation,” groaned Badgerclops.

Though Adorabat was disappointed, she agreed, “Aww...alright.”

“Come on, don’t be a total fud in the dud,” Tanya said.

Mao Mao blew through his mouth, “Okay! Fffffine! Badgerclops, I’ll take you shopping and Adorabat, you’ll get your flyaround—after we get what we came for!”

“Can we go shopping too?!” asked Orangusnake, now just butting in to their conversation.

“I want a new helmet!” demanded Ramaraffe, “And a ball!”

“Do you even play sports?” asked Badgerclops.

“No...” the giraffe’s neck wilted, “I just wanted to be included.”

“Criminal scum don’t get to shop!” growled Mao Mao.

The group made their landing at the edge of the city. Barter York had its name well-earned. Down every lane and street was several shops and customers furiously haggling the price of a given service or item. Even this late at night, the debating didn’t stop.

“Wow it’s like when Pinkie’s trying to get something for free,” said Adorabat, “But it’s all the time!”

“You sure it was a good idea to leave the sky pirates in your truck?” Mao Mao asked Tanya.

The tanuki said, “Oh yeah. My security is airtight.”

Back at the truck, the sky pirates struggled to free themselves from a simple bag with a rope tied around them. Orangusnake grunted, failing to budge even an inch loose, “Curse that weasel’s airtight security!”

“Not like they can get far,” said Mao Mao, “So how do we find this….underground gem black market?”

“’Scuze me bud, but where do we find the gem black market?” Badgerclops asked a vendor of pickled shoes.

The beared dog pointed down an alleyway, “Oh it’s just down that alley. Has a Black Market banner. Can’t be hard to miss.”

“Oh!” beamed the badger, “Thanks!”

“That was easy,” said Tanya.

True to the vendor’s word, the black market was just down the alleyway. Rather than a shady-behind-closed-doors affair with the darkest vilest scum, it was just animals one would bump into every day in the neighborhood. And they were casually bartering for only the most illegal gems, like one would buy a cup of coffee!

“You telling me they do this in broad daylight?!” Mao Mao was fuming.

“It’s night babe,” said Badgerclops.

Tanya shrugged, “Hey the world isn’t your Pure Heart Valley, mittens. What was that about ~focus~?”

“Ok fine,” grumbled Mao Mao, “But I’m pulling in this whole street...after I get the Valley...and AFTER I treat Badgerclops and Adorabat. Let’s spread out everyone.”

The group split up, eyeing tent after tent, as though they were just window shopping. Mao Mao wasn’t sure what he was looking for and was starting to get bored till Tanya Keys showed up, “Anything yet, mittens?”

“Rrrrgh feels like we’re going in circles,” groaned Mao Mao.

“Hey come on now, it’s a pretty long street let’s just keep going forward,” the tanuki pushed onward.

As they went further along it felt as though Tanya was definitely knew what she was doing. Had she been here before? Why of course she had...she was more versed in the illegal stuff than he was.

Mao Mao was so busy unfurling the levels between him and Tanya that he didn’t notice her leaning into the tent, “Hey there~ Heard you may have something for me? Cause…I have a gem for you too...”

“Tanyaaaaaa...” the sheriff’s voice got low, “What are you doing?”

But his ears went flat, fur standing on his head when he heard a chillingly familiar voice, “Bring it to me.”

She produced none other than the gem which powered Mao Mao’s own aerocycle, “Yep got it right here.”

“TANYAAAA,” hissed Mao Mao.

There came an audible thump from behind the tent, “Not that.”

Her face grew from sly to perplexed, “...ok but you said ‘a gem’ and I told you ‘Mao Mao has an aerocylce gem’ and you said that was fine. What’s not clicking?”

Amazing how he managed to keep that sheer seven feet concealed in the shadows of the tent, along with the antlers. But when he saw that silver mask appear, Mao Mao knew it was the Unforgiven Squire.

“Another time, I told you,” the moose said, “What an easy lure your greed makes. Who would have thought a descendant of heroes would have kept such tainted company?” They snorted, hoisting Mao Mao by the scruff of his neck as they addressed the tanuki, “You must desire recompense, of course.”

She shook her head, horrified, “Wait...I wasn’t gonna deliver my friend...that wasn’t the deal.”

“What did you do, Tanya?! Do you know who these people are!?” yelled Mao Mao, “BADGERCLOPS!!! I COULD REALLY USE YOUR HELP RIGHT NOW!!”

“Mao Mao,” Tanya sunk to her knees, bearing a face of pure horror and regret, “I...they just said they’d pay me for the gem...I didn’t...”

“You of all professions should expect betrayal...” the Squire said, “You have no need for gold. The coming world shall be your recompense. Rejoice.”

Badgerclops came running, panting with Adorabat behind him, “Mao Mao! I’m coming!!!”

“Yeah, they’re just one dumb moose!” yelled out Adorabat, “We got more mouths and hurting hands than them!”

“So you say.” with Mao Mao hoisted high above their head, the Squire gave their signal with a cutting motion.

From a pallet of gems burst several wires with the shrieking cackles of an unearthly modulated voice, “At LAST! Time to make the squealy squeals!!!”

Amazing how fast those wires shot out and embedded themselves in the surrounding tents, with several free wires attacking hapless citizens. From the gems came out the clear robotic skull of singular, brimming with violent hilarity.

“Choose, child and misshapen one. Five seconds before we leave and my compatriot is left to his devices,” commanded the Squire, “Your friend or the lives before you.”

“Aw man...I suck at these decisions…” Badgerclops looked directly at Mao Mao, “Screw it, I choose Mao Mao!”

“WAIT!” Adorabat yelled, motioning to the electricity shooting from Singular, fires starting about the homicidal skull. The bat’s eyes looked watery, knowing this wasn’t an easy choice, “We can’t leave them alone...that’s not what a hero would do.”

“Do not think me cruel,” said the moose, “Rejoice instead. Soon none of us shall make these choices ever again.”

Mao Mao figured he would help make the choice easier, “Don’t worry about me. I’ve gotten out of worse. Just help them, okay Badgerclops?” The same cerulean light enveloped them, “Okay?!”

“MAO MAO!” cried out Badgerclops, his robotic arm reaching to snatch the feline in time. But of course, there wasn’t any trace of Mao Mao or Unforgiven Squire. Just achillea flowers.


	3. To Be Ruler is To Half Be a God

Last thing Mao Mao felt was an all-encompassing warmth. When the beam pulled him he only felt so incredibly soothed and warm that he couldn’t resist drifting off into sleep, not unlike being cradled by a gentle hand. As he did drift off, he thought, how could something so powerful and evil be so comforting?

Mao Mao stretched, his eyes not taking in his surroundings as he was still getting the sleep out of them. But he felt a cold all around him. Not a freezing, inhospitable coldness but a cold that was only held back by the veneer of of a metaphorical blanket. And the smell...he could have almost sworn the air was cleaned of anything else but the smell of flowers. He thought to himself as he laid back against a pillow so comfy, why would someone just cover up everything with flowers? But there was a sound that did keep him from drifting off into total sleep, one noise that stayed with him since he woke: it was a soft thrumming. It sounded like something electric traveled far off behind a wall and then...the same noise would follow it again, softly and muffled. Over and over again.

“The first time in the light is so kind, it is like falling into a dream,” a voice said to his side.

He mumbled, smacking his dry lips. Who said that? It sounded so familiar, “Wha...”

“But after you’re aware as you travel through their light, but that feeling of peace does not leave you,” she said as Mao Mao opened his eyes.

The first he saw was the neat black cloak thrown over the shoulder of the doublet. The stitching even from a couple feet away was detailed. He could make out the patterns of black roses on straight lines threaded onto even blacker material. Topping it off, a large white ruff sat at the top of the shoulders along with…

“Ma-Manat?” gasped Mao Mao, scrambling from his bed. One of his sisters? How could he forget her? She was gifted those golden contact lens with incredible sight beyond sight, not to mention her own combat prowess, “Why are you wearing that? And your contacts…? Dad gave you those….”

It may have been a second but he saw her visibly tense, at what exactly it was hard to tell, “It doesn’t matter what became of those. I have grown beyond the need of such toys.”

The feline hero started putting everything together, “Waaaaait…I see what’s going on...” he saw these sparse barracks with their simple beds, the dungeon-like bricks with the cold cerulean lights, “Obviously the bad guys saw me enough as a threat they thought ahead to kidnap my entire family to threaten me!” He loudly guffawed, “Gonna take more than that to whip me!”

She remained with the same stiff composure, only moving her head to tut-tut her brother, “I see you now...grown and with so many responsibilities...and sometimes I can still see the same kid in that overalls.”

“Yeah um,” Mao Mao shrugged. It had been so long hadn’t it? He was a teen since he last saw them, he had so much to say! So much to tell them! Maybe she could see what a hero he’s become, “I got a loooot of catching up to do—maybe two to three seasons worth—but we can do that later when we bust our family out of here, c’mon!”

“Little Mao,” she said, like an instant command to freeze Mao Mao from leaping from his bed, “I’m afraid you’re mistaken. This isn’t evil or a hideout. I’m not captured. We didn’t capture you. I brought you here.”

Something churned in Mao Mao’s stomach, a queasy feeling called realization, “...c’mon, what are you talking about? That’d mean you were...working...with them…..”

“I serve milady,” she said.

The feline stumbled off the bed, backing away. Ok there has to be an exit, he thought, “Do you know who these guys are? What they did!? I already went through one betrayal with Tanya!”

“I know, Little Mao,” she said, “More than you at the moment. But you will soon. That’s why I asked Milady. She sees the potential in you.”

“Understand what?!” he saw the doorway at the far end, racing to it, “That you’re in a puffy outfit and brainwashed by some scum with fancy lasers?!”

He made it past the door. Right in his view laid a stained glass window. Perfect for escape. Mao Mao put his gloved hands before his face to keep the majority of the shards out of his face in case anything went wrong. With a deft kick he smashed the window open. But he didn’t fall. He spun. He spun in the air. It was dark. Mao Mao just assumed it was night until he tried to take a breath and came up with nothing. Panicking, Mao Mao flailed around as he gazed downward. It was home, alright, home in the broadest sense. Several miles away, way more than he could count, laid his the round verdant and oceanic world that was his planet.

Mao Mao spun again, still panicking. How did he get out here?! Was this some kind of trick of whatever technology they used? And then Mao Mao saw just what he leaped from. The length alone went so far back it threatened to stretch beyond the limit of Mao Mao’s vision. And the height was just as daunting, stretching a threatening height above most skyscrapers. Its architecture was different for sure. He saw he just jumped near from the very corner of the ship, a tower pavilion topped with an onion dome at both the top and bottom of both corner towers. From the tower on it stretched into a long symmetrical facade lined with many many windows, going multiple levels. This was only broken up by a sunken-in square lined with great arches and topped with its own onion tower before continuing with the same endless windows out of Mao Mao’s view. It was a building...no...a spaceship with the facade of a building.

The feline didn’t have time to float further away or choke more before that same cerulean light engulfed him. He collapsed back to where the window was, a corridor of tall vaulted ceiling with cherkered marble floor, now protected by a film of light. Mao Mao gasped, gulping in big helpings of air.

“It’s useless to escape that way,” cautioned Manat, “There’s nothing but space between us and this sphere.”  
  
“Yeah you’re right,” Mao Mao seemed to agree, “I guess I’ll have to...KEEP TRYING TO LEAVE TILL I MAKE IT!”

He leaped out the same window again, THRUM, the light returned him.

Jump!

THRUM.

Jump!

THRUM.

Jump!

THRUM.

Manat looked bored as her brother collapsed on the floor, “Are you done?”  
  
The smaller feline gasped, panting deeply, “Okay...yeah...I need a break.”

Loud footsteps echoed through the hallway. Mao Mao groaned when he saw who it was: the Squire.

“Duke, I heard a calamity, are you--” they started.

Mao Mao butted in, “YOU KNOW THIS JERK?”

Rather than rebuff him or try to throw a punch, the silver-cloaked moos knelt before Mao Mao, “My apologies for the harsh treatment, Mao Mao Mao. Your sister regaled me of how you preferred a combatant of stronger mettle. I hoped to be worthy during our encounter.”

This seriously confused Mao Mao, “You’re...sorry? WHAT ABOUT THE PURE HEART VALLEY?! AND THAT THING?! AND KIDNAPPING ME?!”

“The denizens of the village are in the caring hands of Milady,” assured the Unforgiven Squire, “You have my promises.”

Manat added, “Be more gentle with the Unforgiven Squire, they follow my orders. As for Singular, he will do as needed.”  
  
“I’m sure your former friends will take their mantle against Commander Singular,” said the Squire.

Manat added, “If not, we can easily pull him back.”

The younger feline pinched his brow, “Hold on...they work for you?! What do mom and dad think about this?! And our sisters?!”

She rolled her shoulders to disguise her obvious tensing, “Our sisters are safe here. As for dad…he couldn’t be reached.”

“Sounds like him,” said Mao Mao, “Not like I’d want him to know how your guy beat me like a sack of eggplants...”

“But you’re from the Mao family line,” said Manat, moving down the corridor and motioning the Squire to follow, “Always throwing themselves into battle against evil.”

“I mean yeah but...” Mao Mao was soon cut off.

“Are you suggesting it wasn’t satisfying?” asked Manat, “That maybe there’s more you want?”

“I mean maybe...” no she’s trying to get in his head, thought Mao Mao. He thought to distract by pointing at another stained glass window, “Uh hey what’s this about?”

The stained glass window depicted a fleshy hairless creature, with only flowing hair on the top of its head. They wore long flowing robes with a serene expression. They carried a crown in one hand with the other hand placed atop a sphere. Below it there was a scroll that said only the letters ‘MV’ (Note to self, Mao Mao thought, pay up to Badgerclops on the whole ‘aliens are real’ thing).

“The Angel of the West Window,” said Manat.

“There a reason for that specific location?” asked Mao Mao.

The Unforgiven Squire added with no regard for the question, “When our lady conceived of her cause, she sought aid through only her words. So gentle her words and pure of intentions was she the Angel of the West Window joined Milady’s cause.”

“So that’s what it looks like?” asked Mao Mao, unimpressed.

“No one has seen it but her,” said Manat, “It is a thing of spirit, not flesh.”

“Then how do you know it’s real!?” barked Mao Mao.

“Do you see these lights?” asked the Squire, pointing to the blue torches, “Do you hear that noise? There flows the lifeblood of the Angel. It gives life to this vessel.”

“It’s what brought you here,” said Manat, “And all of us.”

“Ok so what does she need the Pure Heart for?!” groaned Mao Mao, “She has an invisible angel fairy, can’t she do whatever she wants, clearly?! And who is, ‘Milady’?!”

“This is why you’re here, little Mao,” the sister took his hand, “Milady is the Celestial Empress, Glorianna. And what she wants...what she needs to do to bring the spheres out of darkness….it is something not even all the angels can do.”

“Hey maybe you try telling me in non-riddles?!” groaned Mao Mao.

“Yes I believe we should take this elsewhere,” said Manat as she delicately pressed her palms together.

THRUM, the angel’s light enveloped them. Now they stood on a checkered tiled balcony, overlooking a massive garden of flowers. Roses, achilleas, lilies, all sorted with the same type meeting at the center of a large fountain with another hairless creature statue. Above the entire thing stretched a vault ed roof of glass clear enough to show the stars. Mao Mao was getting sick, “Maybe try some stairs?!”

“Milady designed the Celestial Hall with no stairs” Manat said.

The Unforgiven Squire added, “It makes any outside attempts to traverse the Hall impossible.”

“You guys still think you’re not some weird alien cult?” scoffed Mao Mao.

A figure stepped between them. They didn’t look like the alien in the window or like Mao Mao, but had a slippery silver eel-like neck-head from their collar with two eyes and a mouth on one side. They wore a vibrant chardonnay-red corset and hoop skirt embroidered with triangular patterns. On their shoulders sat two massive shoulder rolls with the same stitching. Multiple long beaded necklaces hung from her neck and shoulders. From their sleeves came two tentacle like arms.

She gently curtsied to the guests, “Duke Mao, Sir Unforgiven Squire, welcome.” she eyed the smallest cat in the party, “And of course this must be Thrice Mao. The Empress’ court speaks muchly as of late.”

Mao Mao gave a confused look. The alien must have caught on, “Of course, you are at a loss for who I am. I am Milady’s Voicemaiden. Milady cannot appear often, so I appear as an extension of her will. Quite literally as I can receive her thoughts,” she curtsies to Mao Mao again, “The Empress—I mean--we are pleased to meet you.”

The feline hero scoffed, “Great. So where’s the Sweetypies?!”

She turned toward the balcony, “They’re in good care, I assure you. But first come, Thrice Mao. Look at this garden”

Mao Mao, reluctantly, looked out to the flowers lined up with neatly cute hedges and gently carved balusters to support them. There laid not an inch that wasn’t covered by flowers or hedges. “Yeah I see it.”

“Beautiful, aren’t they?” the Voicemaiden asked.

“I’m not really a flower guy...” he replied, “That’s more Badgerclops’ thing.”

“Do you know what makes them beautiful?” asked the Voicemaiden, ignoring his words, “They are cared for. A flower’s life depends on a gardener’s care and direction. In the uncivilized world, they would not fare well. But weeds, though they fare well...” she pointed to something in the garden.

Mao Mao squinted it looked like….glass….he squinted harder and realized it was a glass coffin. A glass coffin that contained...a sleeping Ol’ Blue. He jolted back, horrified. This coffin was surrounded by flowers, roots coiling around Blue like it was drawing life or maybe giving life. He saw there were these flower-embedded coffins everywhere.

The Voicemaiden smiled, “Weeds merely eat the yolk of nature dry, until there is nothing left. A weed can be shaped into a flower, Thrice Mao. Only with a gardener can it be done. Do you understand what I say?”

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM?!” shouted Mao Mao.

Manat replied, “They sleep.”

“Only the gentlest of sleep,” the Voicemaiden added, “They would not have the mental fortitude to understand what we wish for all spheres under our care. They are sleeping weeds, awaiting the gardener to make them a flower.”

“Enough!” Mao Mao sputtered, “Tell me your evil plan or whatever so I can shut it down! A laser that destroys the world?! Mind-destroying gas?! Whatever you got, me and Badgerclops will destroy it.”

“That’s it, isn’t it?” asked Manat, “You’ll destroy it. Like our ancestors. Like our sisters. Like our father. That’s what the Hero Code is, Mao Mao. It’s a manual for stagnation. For keeping things the same and destroying any changes.”

“I’ll ignore you because I know you’re bainwashed,” said Mao Mao.

The Voicemaiden gestured them forward, “No Thrice Mao, you’ll find all our court comes willingly. They come to understand we only wish for a universe of endless peace.”

“That why you have a Commander and made her a Duke?” demanded the smallest feline.

The alien smiled lightly, “The universe shall need gardeners. Your sister I felt best suited to caring for this sphere. You may find yourself a similar position in this court.”

Continuing down a wide hallway of square panels toward two large doors, bearing a symbol of a pelican on both doors. They parted, revealing something Mao Mao never expected in a ship.

It was an amphitheater. From each level sat and chatted beings and creatures, all dressed in puffy and ornate clothing like his sister and the Voicemaiden. Some where like the being in the window, others like from Pure Heart Valley, some he never saw before. Before he thought, the Voicemaiden stopped them, “Wait until you are called.”  
  
A nasally voice from the theater proclaimed, “FROM THE 486th SPHERE, THE MAGISTRATE OF THE COURT: THE UNFORGIVEN SQUIRE.”

The huge moose thumped into the theater to light applause, waving as they found their seat in the box overlooking the theater.

Mao Mao grumbled.

But the voice continued, “FROM THE 1006th SPHERE, THE DUKE OF THE 1006th SPHERE, MANAT MAO.”

She gently curtsied as she took her seat in the same box.

Again the same voice, “ALSO FROM THE 1006th SPHERE AND SIBLING TO THE MAO FAMILY, GUEST THRICE MAO!”

“That’s not my name!” hissed Mao Mao, stumbling inside. He didn’t feel exactly right. In fact he felt, dare he say...small with these well-dressed strangers, taller than him, making whispers as he passed. He felt out of place until he saw, “Snugglemagne?!”

There he was, in the largest ruff and tightest pink pantaloons, swilling a goblet of wine. Taking note of Mao Mao, he idly waved, “Ooooh goodness gracious, sheriff! Some costume party isn’t it? Not sure of the theme though…you HAVE to sit with me~”

Mao Mao was ready to interrogate the lion when he saw the royal group stare at him expectantly, “...we’re not done!”

“Oooh I’ll say!” retorted Snugglemagne.

As he took a seat in what was clearly a box reserved for royalty, he saw only a dirty theater, “...so that’s it?”  
  
As though to rebuke Mao Mao, the announcer shouted, “AND THE VOICEMAIDEN, REPRESENTATIVE OF THE GOOD QUEEN, THE CELESTIAL EMPRESS AND SOVEREIGN OF ONE THOUSAND AND SIX SPHERES, THE EMPRESS GLORIANA!”

The entire crowd rose to wildly cheer and applaud as she majestically glided down to her seat, bowing to all who saw her.

“A lot of noise from people who never see you,” Mao Mao snorted, “Starting to think you’re a robot or something, ‘Empress’, if you’re even real!”

She cast aside an airy look, like an older sister pitying a younger sibling that didn’t understand. She replied, “There is a motto in our court, it is ‘I see but say nothing’. You’ve done much talk, Thrice Mao. I believe it is the opportune moment for you to observe.”

On her note, the dirt amphitheater floor’s center sunk in, turning into a dark hole. In its place rose a wooden platform. On it, was a creature he remembered. The ice dragon, thrashing in their silver-lined cage with a crude muzzle drawn around its mouth. Opposite them laid a gloriously large chunk of amethyst, dwarfing even the dragon. Its geometric bumps and shape belied something like a head or a brain. Over its surface Mao Mao saw many scratches, like the one in the Pure Heart. Only now he saw several chains attached to it, with hooded attendants standing with it. He dropped to a hoarse whisper, “The Amethyst Pure Mind….”

Voidmaiden chided, “You are familiar with it, I see. Allow me to demonstrate what it is capable of alone." She signaled to the hooded attendant standing with it. Reluctantly, they dropped the creature’s muzzle. Instantly ice issued from it’s maw, leaving everything it hit frozen and pristine. The will of the Empress signaled again. The attendants nodded, tugging on the chains. Below into the dark pit, the chains began to cycle, starting some arcane process.

There Mao Mao saw and heard it. First a warble, then a visible throb of purple light before the light around it left like smoke. It circled the creature. Whatever it accomplished, it made the ice dragon thrash act more aggressively until it disappeared. The Voicemaiden signaled again, bringing the chains to a halt. Mao Mao felt like he was in a bizarre cobbler fever dream. There laid not an ice dragon, but a tubby little white creature. Soft, cuddly, as helpless as any Sweetypie. The crowd burst into wild applause.

Mao Mao stammered, “You...you...”

The Voicemaiden said, “Long our scholars studied those ruins, ascertaining the secrets that lost civilization had left behind. You know the Angel of the West Wing, yes? Angels deliver us aid, but only in a limited sense. They cannot murder or change the heart of a living creature. The Amethyst Pure Mind….it not only changes their mind...but their being. A weed...” she gestured to the former ice dragon, “Into a flower.”

“Beautiful, Milady,” said the Squire.

Mao Mao shook his ears, like trying to shake off a bad joke, “What’s the Heart got to do with this?!”

“What is a wish, Thrice Mao?” asked the Voicemaiden, “It is an incantation of your desire upon the world. To grant any wish…such a being or item to do so...that would be the power of god itself, yes?”

“What are you talking about?” growled Mao Mao.

The Empress’ envoy continued as the platform returned beneath the amphitheater, “Others would use the Pure Heart for savage purposes, out of pure avarice or hubris. But as we see it...the Pure Mind and the Heart are one and the same…if the Heart is to carry out the will of the Mind. The Mind makes creatures kinder, without malice. But it cannot do it to more than one creature. But the Heart...it would be an easy task for a trinket that grants wishes. To assist in that...would you not say we are acting as only the godlike machinations of this universe wills it?”

Mao Mao glared at her. She sounded so genuine, like she really believed her own garbage. If that was even the Empress at all. Mao Mao knew what the Pure Heart could do, it not just granted wishes, but it granted your wish more than you’d ever want. If this Pure Mind could just change people by being around it...it would mean unleashing something so bad Mao Mao didn’t want to think about it.

She finalized, rising as she bid the others in her box to do the same, “Is that not a purer endeavor? Can you see why your sister has joined our righteous cause?”

Mao Mao leaned back in a seat clearly not meant for leaning back, “Are you kidding? Seems to me you’re all a bunch of zealots that brainwashed my sister! Well guess what? I’m gonna bust out of here AND fix Manat!”

The Voicemaiden looked not stunned, only saddened, “Hmm. We thought this may be the course you would take. Duke Mao, I leave your brother to you. I shall only observe.”

“As you wish Milady,” Manat bowed before the light bathed brother and sister, this time sending them to the same arena they just watched.

Mao Mao groaned, “Come on...let’s get out of here. We can just go back home, take the family with us and just make a Mao plan!”

Manat remained cold, “There’s no home for me.”

The smaller feline laughed, “Come on, Manat, what are you talking about?”

“Stop talking like HIM!” after that outburst she sighed, assuming a meditative stance. Then she tossed a familiar golden-colored blade, “If you wish escape, the only way out is through me.”

“Seriously what are you talking about?” Mao Mao asked.

She pushed out her arms wide open, “This is a duel. If you win, you may leave. If I win...well, it’s up to Milady.”

After hugging Geraldine tight, Mao Mao dramatically flipped around, seeking a way out of the arena, “You’re the last person I’m gonna fight. I’m fight-out today. I’m just gonna go back to Badgerclops and figure out a way to send this evil alien spaceship crashing down!”

“You’ll want to after you hear this,” She tensed again, like the time she did when they had their reunion, “...I killed Shin Mao.”

He dragged out his footpaw to a slow stop in the dirt. He didn’t turn around, just stayed still as a brick, “...what did you say?”

“What’s with that look?” his sister teased, “Of all people, I would have thought you’d be relieved that monster died--”

He faced her, not with a brave face, but with someone shaken and wide-eyed. Like they lost a year’s worth of sleep in a minute, “Take that back! You’re lying!”

“I told you he couldn’t be reached. And I did try. For a man who lived his life in armor, it’s incredible he never wore a helmet,” she raised her hand to the sky and in an instant gold appeared. Not that ethereal blue light, but clearly a product of her own powers. Mao Mao watched as the mighty golden armor of his father collapsed, useless with a heavy thump to the ground. It might as well be as if there was no body in that armor in the first place. “Be grateful I didn’t let mom see his head leave his pathetic body.”

Mao Mao’s whole body was shaking. He thought not just of the sparse times his old man spoke to him, but the times he ignored him and said something that cut at his esteem. And that man...the one he wanted more than anyone to notice him…was gone. He thought of what Tanya said, ‘ _wouldn’t it be a great ‘up yours’ to your old man by going ‘hey check out this life I made without your help_ ’?’.

“You killed...dad?” Tears formed at Mao Mao’s eyes, threatening to blind him with the force they poured out. Fury bristled at his fur just as much as sorrow, just as much as regret. “YOU KILLED DAD?!”

She didn’t even react to standing on this mausoleum of her father. Standing on it like a trophy, she reached behind her back, “I’m not only a Duke, Little Mao.” She produced a long black halberd, “Milady gave me another duty: I am her executioner.”

This wasn’t Manat anymore. This was a Manat emptied and stuffed with this culty stuff. He gripped Geraldine tight with two hands, blindly racing into the fray with his blade pointed, “I DON’T CARE WHETHER YOU’RE MY SISTER OR NOT!!!”

The court roared with excitement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Manat is the name of ancient middle eastern goddess of time, death, and fate. I can't wait for a few months to pass when Parker reveals the sister's real names and I can mark this as an AU. (But if Parker wanted to use this name, that'd be great too.) If I got any details wrong, I'm sorry?


	4. The Monster at the End of History

“ _HRRRAAAAGH_!!” Mao Mao felt his tears trailing in the air behind him as he charged forward with his drawn blade. He wasn’t really seeing where he was going other than in the general direction of Manat. His mind was wound up with emotion. Why did this matter to him? Why? Why was this a bigger betrayal than his alive sister teaming up with some space cultists?

He was so close to her, he would just give a light stab just to show he meant business. He thrust the sword outward. It was coming for Manat’s chest. The long pole end of a halberd lightly touched it aside. Then it gently prodded Mao Mao in his elbow, his shoulders, and his back. Mao Mao watched it happen in the space of two seconds but afterwards it felt like it took a full minute.

Mao Mao roared, stabbing into air as he stumbled forwards. He turned his head, his sister still in the same place as before. She rearranged him like a butler adjusted the corners of a painting.

“I should be mad,” said Manat, “I should be the one blindly cleaving away, Little Mao. Of all people to mourn...you mourn the worst person.”

Mao Mao gripped his blade, his lips tightening for a moment. There was an inkling of truth in what she said. But Mao Mao’s heart was a tight gloved fist over all things. He growled, “You don’t get it!”

He flipped into the air, with the intent of letting gravity make his sword arm a skewering missile. Pain rocked him in his stomach. It wasn’t a kind of sick pain, but a muscular pain that felt like a hard cramp. Mao Mao felt himself flopping to the dirty ground, grasping his belly in pain.

Manat stared at him, her expression still cold, still unmoved, “No. Shin didn’t get it. Believe me, I tried reasoning with him.”

The smaller feeling propped himself up with one blade as he redoubled his breath, “What, you tried talking to dad once and you decided ‘Oh it’s time for him to die’?!” Maybe it wasn’t wise, maybe he shouldn’t, but he pointed his blade at Manat as he approached her again, “I’ve been ignored and brushed off by dad for YEARS! And not ONCE did I think about what you did!!! Maybe I didn’t have what you and our other sisters had with him, but I wanted to try!” He winded up his shoulder before spinning forward, a cyclone of fur and Geraldine, “BUT YOU TOOK THAT FROM ME!”

Prod. Mao Mao felt a harsh flat-sided smack welt his sword arm. THUD. His eyes watered up when he felt the pole end poke him sharply in the ribs. Mao Mao felt aching pain in his arms, his stomach, his ribs. And Manat hadn’t moved from her spot at all, still looking down on him. “You’re still just that child, Little Mao. Shin put up a better fight than you. I’m only holding back so you can understand.”

He gasped for air, still shakily raising his blade, “Understand what? You...and everyone….you've just been saying garbage…”

Mao Mao gasped when the pole end of the halberd threaded the neck part of his cloak and hoisted him up. Manat continued, “Father was made into a monster. Not like that dragon you saw, but the kind that makes others into monsters.”

He made motions to his neck, given he couldn't talk with the way the cape held him in mid-air.

Manat said, “Oh.” She dropped him.

The smaller feline hero gasped, “Only monster I see is you! You let people twist open your head and fill you with this stuff till you’re not yourself anymore!”

“Like you and that Hero Code?” she asked, “Like father and that Hero Code?”

Mao Mao refused to give an answer, only looking down to the ground as he backed up. If he can keep out of range, she won’t be able to reach him with that halberd. Yeah and he can throw his sword as a melee! Just as Mao Mao set his plan into motion, Manat dropped her halberd and clasped her hands together, “All those things you said, about being emptied and filled to be someone else, that is what happened to most of our family. To you. This Hero Code…it makes monsters of us.”

The youngest sibling growled, “Take that back!”

“ _Na-Na-Med_ ,” Manat muttered to herself. As Mao Mao was about to toss Geraldine, a gust of mighty wind blasted Mao Mao hard against the wall, pinning him with its continuous gust.

“You can stay there and listen,” she said, “It’s true, Little Mao. This way of life...we’ve been heroes countless generations but have we ever truly beaten evil?”

“That’s...there’s always evil…or just evil things being done...don’t be stupid!” shouted Mao Mao, his voice crackling.

She stared at him with those eyes, those sharp eyes that could peel your mind like a mere orange, “Have they? Or have we only prolonged evil? Or worse...created more evil? What becomes of people like Shin and you when there are no more monsters to fight?!”

“I….” he thought of his talk with Tanya, the thoughts of settling down with Badgerclops….a nice quiet life…before he doubled down and scoffed, “Well that’s easy we just y’know...have an apprentice to train...cause you know how evil sleeps and always comes back right?”

Her eyes narrowed, “There’s always another hero, isn’t there? Another Little Mao for the next Shin. And that’s the problem. I see now.” she uttered the same words again and Mao Mao flopped, free of that gusting wind, “The only way to save you...you must be shown what lies at the end of your path.”

Mao Mao, though he felt beaten, bruised, and exhausted had enough to scoff right back, “Yeah? Right now all I see in front of my path is you.”

At first Mao Mao planned on making the next move, no matter how slow he was moving now. That ‘another Little Mao for the next Shin’ stung, he was ready to vent with his blade or his fists. Whichever came first. But this time Manat moved first. Mao Mao had no way of clocking just how many milliseconds it took for her to grasp him by the ears, but there she was, her paws around her ears. Mao Mao struggled, but god her sister had that grip that kept you there by force of pain. Mao Mao wiggled and snarled, “Hey! Those are sensitive ears!”

“Allow me to show you what lies at the end of your path. The Empress gifted me this sight and now...I’ll show you what I have seen myself...maybe then you can understand,” with her free paw raised she muttered, “ _Mais-Pa_!”

“Show me WHAT?!” He yelled before his sister shoved his head forward through the air. Of course, instead of air, it felt as though his face ripped through a thin waxy membrane, the world he knew before him tearing away like a skin before he met face-to-face with… “It’s...it’s home….”

But something about it changed. Most of the trees had been burned away. In fact, the valley that used to be Pure Heart Valley had been torn from the very earth, the hills and mountains surrounding it devastated as though a mere godlike hand flicked it and left trails of opened fresh dirt. Everything was torn up, there was barely any sign of life...and the village of Pureheart Valley….all the buildings were practically demolished, shelled out. All of it...gone—no, taken.

“This is the end of the path of the Mao family’s Hero Code,” explained Manat, “You continue as a hero like father and you will make an apprentice to surpass you...and they will continue with their own apprentice till there is nothing left but heroes who come to surpass their own master...witness...right now...”

“No!” Those words bit a barb deep in his heart. Like father. That combination of words bit harder when he saw someone familiar. Some blue. They were the same general shortness but...older, jaded, dare he say with a cruel calculating streak. They had a visor over their left eye and a booming high tech weapon keeping them afloat, “ADORABAT!”

Across the field from her rose a taller, angry lion in a judogi, afloat by some sheer energy. This future Adorabat cracked a smirk as the lioness blasted spiritual energy her way. Adorabat rolled their head, dodging the blast. She rose her legcannon, energy gathering at the butt end.

“Your apprentice, I guess,” said Manat, “She will go on to be worse than you. To resent you for holding her back. She goes on to raise another apprentice. Their battle alone devastates your world.”

“Adorabat...” gasped Mao Mao brokenly.

Manat continued, “And that doesn’t cover what happens with your other apprentices. This is what the Hero’s Code produces. This is what Shin Mao will create: a world of endless battle without honor or mercy.”

“Stop,” said Mao Mao, “Please...just take me out. I don’t want to see this anymore.”

She uttered those words again, “ _Mais-Pa_.”

Mao Mao collapsed to the ground, his hurt spirit making him more sunken than any pain that Manat delivered. He did this...this was his fault. If he continues trying to make her a hero he’ll end up just like...he looked at the pile of armor that was his father.

“Dad...” he quietly whimpered, tears seeping from his eyes. He wrapped both arms around his body, trying to contain the shakes his crying made. _Why did you leave me like this_ , he thought.

“I didn’t want to show you,” said Manat, “But milady knew it would be the only way.”

“How...” the youngest Mao choked in a tearful reply, “How do I stop this?”

“Stay with me,” said the executioner Mao, “We can be a family again. Exactly as you wanted.”

Mao Mao’s forehead was now touching the dusty ground, “Okay...just...keep them safe? I’ll stay...just keep Adorabat and Badgerclops...safe…” The ‘ _from me_ ’ was clear even without him saying it.

Manat gently hoisted him up, “Milady will be pleased. Welcome to our Empress’ loving embrace.” She raised Mao Mao’s hand up, bringing the crowd to a wild frenzied applause. They threw roses at the dusty ground.

But for Mao Mao, he only felt as though he’d been unscrewed and dumped of everything inside him before this crowd of nobles and spectators. He didn’t want to see his eyes grow red from the drying tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're worried that this may become Shin apologism, I am still very much in the 'Shin was a shitty dad' camp


	5. Strung Out on Heaven's High

Barter York was in flames. The creature Singular made good handy work of creating chaos, whipping shops in two with his wires before creating sparking electrical fires that spread quickly, leading many to flee in terror. Badgerclops remarked, “How the hell did everything catch fire so fast?”

The badger, bat, and tanuki stared on in horror as this artificial skull seemed to have taken root in the middle of the road. Every nearby tent had burst into flames. Singular had the expression of pure manic enjoyment, but Badgerclops had a hard time telling since the skull was a nonstop grinning horror movie. The laughing helped clue him in, “Kindling for the little piggies! Get nice and roasted piggies!”

Badgerclops turned his horror into frustration against Tanya, “You made a deal with THEM!?”

She however, looked less in the mood to deflect, “I know...but you have to believe me I was talking to the moose and it was just some quick money...”

“Again,” said Badgerclops, “A moose wearing a silver mask. That didn’t ring any red flags for you?”

“You’re mixing up phrases there--” started Tanya.

“MAO MAO’S GONE,” screamed Adorabat, “EVERYTHING’S ON FIRE!!!”

“Okay yeah bad time for grammar,” she waved her hands, “I really screwed up! I sell out, but I don’t sell out my friends! I can go into more detail about how sorry I am later and how I can make up for it, but can we focus on the giant flaming skull in the room?!”

“Uuuugh,” groaned the cyborg, pinching the bridge of his nose, “You got a point but uuuuugh.” He lifted his arm, forming an arm cannon, “HEY UGLY!”

Singular tilted his head, “Oh yes, how clever of you to stand directly in front of me, arguing within hearing range. Oh yes you’re quite the brains aren’t you?”

Badgerclops shied his gaze away, “I mean… I’m book smart?”

  
A wire retracted from the ground, snaking towards Badgerclops as Singular teased, “Yes yes yesss. Let’s see if that head of yours is meaty or mechanical, hmmm?”

Quickly the badger transformed his cyborg arm into a chainsaw, slicing the offending wire in half, “HA! The same trick ain’t gonna work twice!”

“That was an entirely different trick!” snorted Singular, more wires uprooting themselves as they began spewing electrical flame towards the badger, “Oh yes maybe I should just broil you to see your skull box!”

Immediately the badger backed away, regretting his course of action, blindly swatting away at the air.

“You’re really not like Mittens are you?” asked Tanya, leaping to avoid the now pluming fire in their path, “Don’t you have a hose mode or something?”

“Yeah do you have a hydrant?” asked Badgerclops, “I can’t just ‘make’ water!”

“Well that guy’s clearly making fire!” she pointed to Singular.

“ELECTRICAL COMBUSTION IS A CHAIN REACTION IT’S NOT SOMETHING FROM NOTHING,” Badgerclops cried out of panic.

Adorabat joined in screaming only because she didn’t want to be left out of the conversation.

“Okay Tanya’s got this,” she said, immediately knowing that she didn’t have it when Mao Mao got kidnapped, but what whatever. Her chance to make it up. She produced several leaves, tossing them around the air to produce several Tanya copies.

The Tanya clones had some effect on the skull as he bristled with some jittery rage, “You jibe and jape at me?! With your magics?! Mangy doll….”

“Yep that’s me, full of magics,” her copies mocked, leaping about him, “So what you gonna do?”

“Die. Die die die die!” he cackled again and again as his wires lashed out to create a burst of cloud and a wilted leaf. By the end he couldn’t see where the real Tanya had disappeared to, a fact that irked the machine. “If you wanted me to kill everyone in this matchstick burg to find you, you should have said so!”

“NOW!” said Tanya, tossing a Badgerclops that was momentarily disguised as a leaf.

The badger understandably screamed as he got hurtled towards the horrific skeleton face, “WAIT WAIT—AAAAAAAAAH!!”

“You can do it!” Adorabat said, “Cause if you don’t I’ll find a new Badgerclops...”

This made Singular light up with delight, his skeletal maw agape to chomp down on the butt end of Badgerclops’ cyborg arm.

But rather than flail and panic, confidence flourished through his face, “Ohhhh what was that about doing the same trick twice?” A blue series of jolts and shocks began to build up in his arm before a huge bolt of laser energy burst from the end of his arm. It wasn’t a mere shot, no this time Badgerclops’ arm set off an explosion. All too late Singular’s eyes widened before his head blew up like a plastic bubble gum, spreading with lines of energy from there to the rest of the wires. The end result culminated in an explosion of wires and bits of scrap metal, nothing bigger than a thumb survived.

The cyborg badger rose, dusting off his hands as he began using his fire extinguisher mode from his arms to put out the flames. Soon as that finished he looked at the crumpled up and burnt metal that was his robotic arm now, “Whew...”

“YEAAAH!” Adorbat began kicking pieces of Singular, biting them like a rabid dog, “TAKE THAT!”

“Yeah okay Adorabat,” said Badgerclops before turning to the tanuki, “Heh...for someone who really screwed up, wasn’t a bad idea….doesn’t make up for it, though. Just saying.”

“Um...” she looked at his arm, slightly guilty, “Should we...fix that first...or?”

“Eh later,” the badger shrugged, “It’s fine. What’s not fine is these jerks. You need to fess up everything now.”

Adorabat butted in, “Can I tie her down and interrogate her?!”

“Chill kid, Chill!” he shushed.

Tanya sighed, “I...really don’t know much. Honestly I met them because of the Amethyst Pure Mind. I went looking for it when I heard about the light. Then I met that moose...they were just there in the ruins, like they were waiting for me. They said if I could get them an aerocycle gem that it’d be worth my while. I told them where I could get one and they left details and then...they were gone. That was it. Didn’t tell me who they worked for or anything.”

“And you thought it was smart to trust them?!” said Badgerclops.

Tanya groaned, “I already said I was sorry! I thought if I stole the aerocycle Mao Mao would just find me and make it messy! This was supposed to be...less messy.”

“I miss Mao Mao,” said the bat miserably.

Badgerclops tried to comfort the bat, “Hey...Mao Mao probs found a way out already!”  
  
“I don’t know,” Adorabat said, “This feels different. It’s like they wanted to keep Mao Mao away from us.”  
  
“Mao Mao always finds a way out, kid,” said Tanya.

Adorabat sniffled, wiping her nose before nodding in agreement with a murmur.

At the same moment Badgerclops squinted further down the street as what he saw made him confused. For a second it looked like the hobbled form of a chameleon and a pointy hat-wearing shadow, but that couldn’t be…?

“Oh hey,” said an old familiar voice, “Look who it is!” A pause, “Oh why yes I knew who it was. Er, Badgerclops, Bat, and the tiny bear?” Another pause, “OH! Mao Mao! Yes.”

Now that they drew closer Badgerclops saw who they were. It was Camille and Honey...carrying shopping bags? He respectfully voiced his greeting, “WHAT?!”

“Funny running into you!” said the chameleon sorcerer, followed by her squirrel partner, “We were looking for you...then I forgot, then I went out to get some witchy items, and then I saw you! Funny world, huh?”

“How are you here?” asked Adorabat.

“Well I walked here,” said Camille before Honey went to whisper into her ear, “Oh you mean how I escaped the light thing oh that’s right. Well when you do enough magic like I do, sometimes you just build an immunity to it.”

Badgerclops looked…astounded, “That’s IT?!”

Honey whispered into her ear again, “Oh yes that’s right! We were deep inside of one of Snugglemagne’s dungeons. Strangest thing, we see a bright light from outside, we go outside...only flowers!”

“Ok so...are these….” Tanya eyed the witches, “That king guy’s jesters, his vizers, what?”

“I do magic stuff!” said Camille before motioning to Honey, “She also does magic, along with making playlists about her ‘moods’ and ‘vibes’.”

Honey covered her face.

“Hold up,” said Badgerclops, “So do you guys know what the hell is going on?”

“We don’t!” said the chameleon before Honey whispered again, “Actually we do.”  
  
“SPILL IT,” said Adorabat, “I CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE!”

Camille continued undaunted, “Honey is so smart, she reads up on monsters and magical being things. We did some sniffing of the area cause we sorcerers got a good nose for magic and we got a whiff of something so strange Honey had to go deep in that memory of hers just to figure it out. Eh...what was it?”

Adorabat silently fumed as the squirrel whispered once more. Camille returned to her train of thought, “Oh yes. Honey tells me this light...the whole reason the Valley’s gone...it’s the work of an angel.”

“A what?” asked Tanya.

Honey whispered again before Camille translated for the extroverted, “An angel is something that lives in the planes above ours...faaaaar removed from our dinky physical plane. A being of near omniscience and endless light. Usually they stay up there...but….” she makes a floating gesture with her hand, “Sometimes they get called in by someone who’s belief is off the freaking charts!”

“Meaning…?” asked Badgerclops.

“Means if someone has something they believe in hard enough, and I mean more than Snugglemagne wants an extra slice of cake,” said Camille, “An angel will do all it can to make it happen. Honey tells me it’s like having the most powerful bff in all the cosmos!”

“Well if you got something like that,” asked Adorabat, “What do you need the Pure Heart or Mao Mao for?”

“Hmm,” mused Camille, “Beats me. But I tell you one thing. I sniffed that magic...and this magic is a very dangerous kind of magic. It’s a magic of pure light. The kind of light that doesn’t know shades of gray like we do. It’s light and dark is absolute: for them light wins and dark is destroyed. And light that burns too brightly….it burns out everything else, doesn’t it?”

Honey whispered to Camille again, “Honey tells me this is more than the Pure Valley and Mao Mao. It may very well be that the whoooole universe is in danger!”

“Well not often I get that kind of stakes,” said Tanya, “But not exactly helpful info for finding Mittens.”

Camille stared off into the distance, “Hmmm…you think anything’s open this early?”

“Hey um, the angel? Mao Mao?” asked Badgerclops.

“OHHH right!” said Camille before turning serious, “I may have a way.”

The two heroes and one bounty hunter leaned in, interested.

Honey produced a vial of vague bubbling silver liquid as Camille spoke, “An angel’s light is so distinct yet invisible to non-magical people that it always leaves a path. With juuust the right magic we can go right to where that light started. Though...” she chuckled, “no idea where we’ll end up,” she chuckled again, “And an omniscient thing like an angel will no doubt know once we get there.”

“I get it, like tracing an ISP address to the original sender,” said Badgerclops, “Cept in this case, the computer is an omniscient spirit being that doesn’t recognize moral ambiguity and is under the control of someone who sent a whacked out as shit robot skull to kill us. Great.”

“Ohhhh if only you had a tanuki who’s skilled in the art of illusion,” Tanya said sarcastically before seeing the badger’s deadpan expression, “What? This is me making up selling out Mao Mao. Think of this as a heist where the alarm’s already ringing the instant we open the door. What’s the best way to not get caught?” She raised two leaves, “Misdirection. If they know we’re here, let them think there’s a thousand instead of five. That’ll buy us time.”

Badgerclops mused, “Huh...you know...you’re right...what can we lose? It works or we all die horribly right? You in, Adorabat?”

“Yeah!!” said Adorabat, “Let’s get Mao Mao back!”

“Um she’s a kid,” said Tanya.

“And I’m an adult,” Badgerclops countered, “And I say Adorabat is responsible enough to risk death. So let’s go!”

“Eeeegh,” groaned Tanya, “How do we start this up, old lizard?”

“Hmm?” asked Camille, “OH right. There was angel activity around here somewhere….so just hold hands and I’ll do my magic thing….”

“Aha I do not completely 100% trust you,” Badgerclops said as he joined hands.

“Seconded,” Tanya said, linking arms with the badger and the bat.

As they stood in a circle, Camille drank down the silver liquid before muttering a mumbled incantation. A glowing ruby red light enveloped then, “Power where it goes...oh wait--”

“I feel like I’m forgetting something--” Tanya said before the red bubble of magic energy made the group disappear from Barter York, and ultimately this world.

Meanwhile Ratarang undid the rope from the cursed bag in Tanya’s truck.

“Chewing from the BOTTOM of the bag,” said Orangusnake, flexing his freed arms, “Why didn’t I think of that?”  
  
“Just one of those things that hit youse in the noggin, boss!” said Ratarang.

The hybrid petted the cyborg rat, “My brilliant sweet Ratarang...one day we’ll send you to a fine college. But for now we are FREE!”

“I can feel my legs again!” said Ramaraffe.

Hostrirch rejoiced, “I say we celebrate this occasion by committing particular acts of a maladjusted and ill-mannered nature?”

“YEAH whatever he said!” agreed Orangusnake as he hopped out before he realized...”Did...did they leave us?”

“Awww no boss why would they do that?” asked the rat.

“They totally did!” said the orangutan-cobra before slumping, “I…..don’t feel like doing anything….” he eyed the truck, “Anyone know how to drive stick?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was to add a little more detail on the in story mechanics of angels and just generally give a break from the Mao Mao Pain. (Don't worry there's more)


	6. The Incurable Past

Manat remained as still as ever in the tall wood-paneled room created for portraiture, her black executioner attire on full display as he halberd rested on her left hand while her strong almond eyes stared out at the much-engrossed court painter dabbed heaps of black upon his canvas. Though she kept perfect poise and stillness, her mind moved about like an agitated beast in a cage. Her brother had joined their ranks, but progress had not been made beyond that. She tried and yet she found herself coming up short with the hero. He had yet to run and yet he hadn’t given himself fully to the cause. She sighed.

It was in the midst of her mental jogging and portrait posing, the doors to the room swung open as a small page of tentacle-faced features poked their head into the door. “My Duke. Milady awaits word with you. If you would attend her person at once.”

Manat was relieved, despite the gravity of the request. It was only in deeply serious matters when she demanded her court’s personal presence. There was a reason the Empress employed the use of Voicemaidens. One for protection against assassination and the other for the reason that the Empress never left her inner sanctum. Manat clasped her hands together, awaiting the angel’s light to take her to the entrance of that sanctum.

She found herself before two massive black doors, inset with rows of sinking squares that demonstrated the door’s thickness. Horizontally the words laid inscribed in massive letters: HERE THE END OF ALL SORROWS.

Many would not have been able to hear what went on behind those doors. But with Manat’s hearing, she was able to stand close to the door and pick up at least one end of the conversation.

It was the Master of Scholars. He seemed to be exasperated, “How many years have I served you, milady? I wouldn’t distress you intentionally!”

Distress? She listened the Master ramble on after a pause, “My Scholars have attempted near everything and the result is the same with that Ruby!”

Strange that the Ruby Pure Heart would be difficult for the Empress’ scientists. He spoke again: “Strange hypothesis, I know yet the Ruby has some connection with the creatures of the valley in which it resided.

Those little freaks. Manat had no clue what her brother’s attachment was to them. The Master of Scholars replied to another break of silence, “Yes. We need every single ‘Sweetypie’. Yes three.” A pause, “What do you mean they can’t find them?! I...yes Milady….I will do what I can to assist the Angel’s endeavors.”

Manat stepped back as the massive black doors flung open. A bearded pink-skinned human in simple hood and robes trampled out muttering to himself, “If an angel can’t do it, how does her majesty expect ME to do what the heavens can’t!?”

The Executioner Mao didn’t bother exchanging words with him. She long felt the old man was a doddering fool who’s faith in his abilities outweighed his faith in the Empress. Manat knew what that was: she saw that in her father. She glanced to the marbled floor. Shin drilled perfection in her. As a Mao, perfection was some kind of muscle she had to flex again and again. She only realized till much later Shin had made her, made her sisters into inhuman machines. It was different with her lady the Empress. The Empress saw her as a flower to be tended, only to bloom under the gentlest guidance in the garden of her Empire. Little Mao would see that too, she thought, as soon as he left the shadow of their father entirely.

She stepped inside the Empress’ Chapel. It was taller than wide. It was a singular circular audience floor that rose into a series of staircases, going higher beyond tall columns and vaulted arches. On the corner of every arch there would sit an occasional sculpture of a faceless woman seated in royal robes and ruffled collar, lovingly attended by a standing winged creature of long head hair with a rapturous expression. Manat wondered if that is what the Angel of the West Window really looked like. The columns and arches supported a domed ceiling that gave a splendid view of the cosmos above. But the greatest piece laid at the convergence point of the three staircases: a massive white arch, supported by several black pillars and a black frieze with a massive vaulted black fence to obscure the view of those who were curious to look inside. The construct was bigger than any organic being inside the hall, about the size of a respectable transport.

This was the resting place of the Empress Glorianna, where she conferred with the Angel of the West Window and carefully awaited the birth of the world she awaited for so long. Manat knelt before the Empress, “My lady. I am your servant.”

A voice, polite and soft, reverberated from the construct, “My dear Duke of the one thousandth and sixth sphere. Success comes close and yet I notice a restlessness within you. Is it Thrice Mao that weighs on your heart so?”

She hesitated, a flick of her tail as she replied, “He hasn’t moved from the bedroom you gave him! He’s done nothing but mope there! I don’t understand it! I saw him change when he witnessed the future I saw, why doesn’t he give his heart to you, milady?!”

There came a soft laugh from that monument, “Ah, it must have been ages since you lapsed into impatience. You are your brother’s sister. My dear Duke, he is despondent because he has given himself to us. A man mourns when he is already lost. A flower needs only nourishment and encouragement to bloom. It was true with you and it is true with Thrice Mao.”

She bowed her head, ashamed, “I am sorry...I shouldn’t have had an outburst like that. I only wish for nothing to stall your heart’s desire, milady.”

The Empress spoke again, so soft and lyrical, “From my ascension to the throne on my own sphere, my rule had been beset by assassins and plots and the ambition of other kings. These are minor contrivances in comparison, dear Duke. Now...go to Thrice Mao. Nourish him. Encourage him.”

“Nothing I’ve said has moved him,” said Manat.

“As the spheres find a way through the celestial fluid so will you.” the Empress replied.

On that note, Manat descended out of the Chapel (it was custom to never use the angel’s light in the Chapel). She clasped her hands and sought out her underling the Unforgiven Squire to journey to Mao Mao’s room.

There they appeared outside the bedroom of the recent convert. Through the sheer curtain hanging from his bedpost both saw he sprawled out miserably on piles of pillows, his body wrapped in a blanket four times his size. He lacked that fire in his green eyes. They looked as though they have dimmed.

Manat whispered to the Squire, “I don’t understand. I thought he would have been overjoyed to be with his family again.”

The cloaked moose replied, “Try once more, Duke. If it fails, I may have a solution.”

Reluctantly, Manat stepped out, cordially raising her arms open, “Ah Little Mao. Hopefully you had enough rest. Perhaps seeing the rest of our sisters would rejuvenate you.”

Mao Mao slowly parted the curtain to get a good look while his body retreated into a depression fort. He didn’t think Manat would get it yet. He joined with her to be with his living family, to keep Adorabat and Badgerclops safe from himself…but he felt empty now. He couldn’t explain it to anyone, but it felt as though his whole self had emptied out. He didn’t have a grand plan to escape or save his sisters (wherever they were). He just wanted to lay here and sink into his sadness like a pile of blankets. “Eh.”

“At least get out of bed, don’t you want to explore the Celestial Hall with me?” asked Manat.

Mao Mao rolled over, “Iduncare.”

The moose stepped in, “Mao Mao. There is someplace I wish to show you. Away from here. From this vessel. I can only take you. Will you indulge me?” They thought, “….you may inflict violence on me as recompense for our earlier fight.”

Though he didn’t feel like it, Mao Mao could use fresh air that wasn’t on this space ship. He stretched out, yawning, “Kay kay kay….” he rolled off the bed, his two hairs frizzy and twisted, “Let’s goooo...”

“Take my hand,” they said.

What else did he have to do? Mao Mao took a hold of that silver glove, the glowing cerulean light bathing them as took them away. The next thing Mao Mao felt was hotter than usual. He saw he ended up in a wheat field, stretching into rolling hills of yellow over the horizon. Dotting the valley stood hay roofed houses atop of stone, all encompassing no real pattern and no real road. Just overgrown wheat that looked as though it went bad.

Mao Mao grunted, stretching, “Alright, where’d you take me? Some other horrible future?”

“My home,” said the Squire plainly before taking off to a nearby hut.

“Huh...” remarked Mao Mao, following close. His mood changed from sad to cautious, “Nice place?”

“Thank you for the kind words, they aren’t needed,” they pushed open a wooden slab of door. There wasn’t much inside. Only broken chairs, a table, and some tools scattered about the floor, “This was my home specifically.”

“Not much a childhood...” he muttered to himself, “So uh...what happened? Did the Empress ‘mercifully’ destroy your home and left you the only one alive?”

As though carrying on with a slight cleaning task, the Unforgiven Squire tore off the door, allowing the sun inside as they stood in the doorway to stare out at the horizon, “We weren’t a world of machinations like yours or the Hall. The most we had was gunpowder. I was young when I wished to serve my kingdom as a knight.”

He looked at the emptiness, the sweltering heat and abandoned huts when he asked the squire, “So what happened?”

They continued, “War was a course of life in my home. If you didn’t fight, you worked for those who did. I wished to make a better life for my parents. A knight gives not only you a better life...but your family. I was so close to gaining the title of knight, my mother and father couldn’t be prouder of me….”

Mao Mao could already piece things together, but he wanted to see where the Squire was going. The moose stared out into the horizon as they talked, “I trained endlessly for my induction. Yet before that day….” they faltered, “It was a surprise attack. Our village was not prepared. When I woke...there were so many…...” More quiet as they balled their fists, “A knight should not falter….yet the moment came when I should have stood up….I froze...”

“Oh….I….” Mao Mao choked out. He saw where this was going. He stood beside them.

Unforgiven Squire had to finish the story, “My mother and father gave their lives to save me. I was the few left in the village.”

“I’m….” the cat looked at this seemingly brutal moose, “I’m sorry. What happened to everyone else?”

“It is a custom for the victors to seed invasive wheat. Indigestible.” they yanked a nearby stalk, “Soon this was all there was. I was too exhausted from the hunger when your sister found me.”

Mao Mao sunk his head, running a hand through his own fur. They...saved this moose? He sighed, “That why you’re called the Unforgiven Squire? Pretty hardcore mm yeah yeah….”

“I wear this mask to cover my shame,” they squatted at Mao Mao’s level, taking his gloved hand in theirs, “I cannot become a knight until I know other worlds will not become like mine.”

The youngest Mao didn’t know what to say. He was emotionally worn out. As of now, he wasn’t sure where he was on the black and white.

The Unforgiven Squire squeezed his hand. Not hard, just the right pressure, “I can’t let my parent’s sacrifice be in vain. The Empress truly wants to make a better world. A world where parents would need to lay down their lives for their children...” they looked Mao Mao in the eye, “Or sisters kill their fathers.”

“I said I already gave in, isn’t that enough?” said Mao Mao, “I just want them to be safe!”

They softly ran their other hand through the cat’s head, “I’ve seen your missing tail. I didn’t ask, but I can tell you’ve lost more than many could know. I admire that in you, Mao Mao. You’re a bearer of strength…you can use that strength to save people.”

Mao Mao felt his shriveled heart shudder again, a chokehold of emotion squeezing a desperate inflection from his throat, “Tell me how! I don’t know what’s right anymore! I thought I knew...but...I don’t. I don’t.”

“I can. Your sister can,” the Unforgiven Squire wiped away a tear, “The question remains: are you ready to take the way?”

The hero bobbed his pointy ears, nodding, “Yeah. I’m ready now.”

Inside the Celestial Hall, the Voicemaiden appeared on the angel’s light before a Manat posing for a painting. The eel-like alien curtsied, “Duke Mao, I understand we conversed earlier, but I’m afraid circumstances require we speak in this manner immediately.”

Manat motioned to the artist, folding their arms in frustration as the two took conference in the hallway, “Yes milady?”

“It appears,” said the Voicemaiden, “We have an intrusion in the Hall.”

Manat raised a brow, “That should be impossible.”

She agreeably shook her head, “The rabble would not allow us to take those relics without some resistance, my Duke. I find the prospect of a challenge quite invigorating.”

The duke thumped her halberd, “I shall dispatch of them. Where are they?”

“The lowest portion of the Hall,” the Voicemaiden said, “Strange...the angel tells us their numbers fluctuate between…five and fifty. How interesting the Ruby entices such phenomena. I feel this requires assistance.”

“I can handle this alone,” said Manat.

“With these numbers I disagree. Awaken the three Surveyors.” commanded the voice of the Empress.

Manat looked at the Empress, “...alright. But discretely. I don’t want to scare any of the nobility with blood.”

“Agreed,” curtsied the Empress, “They are to remain alive. Harmed? Well...it cannot be helped in these situations.”

“Agreed,” echoed Manat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is to give a better look at the inner workings of our antagonists mentally. Hope you folks are enjoying


	7. God Forgive You But I Never Can

The journey felt like rolling fast, violently inside a tightly-squeezed hamster ball. Badgerclops felt he may as well be a pinball through the universe since everything was moving so fast it looked like a thick band of light stretching around their whole bubble, distorted and alien.

Then came the pop! They all splashed down into a river of grimy dank water, flowing beneath low-laying brick tunnels. Badgerclops groaned, “Oh my god, sooo gross even for me...”

Tanya clambered to get to the dry brickline going alongside the rivers, “The smell could be a contender for even you, big guy.” she said to Badgerclops.

Ignoring that comment, he helped the magicians and Adorabat up before asking Camille, “Any way you could have taken us to a less gross place??”

Camille shrugged, “Take? Didn’t we drive here?”

It was up to Honey to clarify matters once again. The chameleon made a realizing noise as it came back to her, “Ehe, well. I couldn’t exactly control it. Following the source of that magic was like tailing a riptide upstream.”

“That’s an oxymoron,” said Badgerclops.

Camille continued, “Anyway! We’re here...hmmm...some sort of...castle...thing...that’s what Honey sensed anyway, right?”  
  
She quickly nodded, simply wanting to avoid being further splashed with the dank gross water.

“Aw man so we have to climb our way from the bottom of a castle? I suck at those kind of things.” Badgerclops pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I can make a shortcut!” Adorabat fluttered to a nearby wall, inhaling deep before Tanya cut it short by covering her mouth.

“Ah bup bup bup,” Tanya cautioned, “They already know we’re here.” She tossed a few scant leaves to her side, “We don’t need them figuring out exactly where soon.”

“Oh yeah, didn’t think about that,” the badger chuckled before confiding in Adorabat, “For the record, I was totally gonna cheer you on.”

“Thanks...” Adorabat relented, “Let’s just get Mao Mao out of here.”

“Don’t you mean ‘and the village?’” asked Tanya.

“I mean, let’s be real,” said Badgerclops, “I have no motivation for saving anyone but Mao Mao. Mao Mao’s got all our motivation.”

“If anyone can get the Pure Heart Valley out of here, he can!” beamed Adorabat.

Tanya poured a little reality salt on this delusion salad, “So you’re saying if you bust out Mao Mao...who got captured….he’ll find a way to—augh yeah I’m here, I may as well go along with it.”

“That’s the spirit!” said Camille, “You got those illusion leaves ready?”

“I got plenty,” said the tanuki, “But I don’t have an infinite am--”

The water burbled. She shushed herself. She shushed everyone else.

“What was that?” hoarsely whispered Badgerclops.

Tanya whispered back, “Typical castle sewer stuff I bet...you know...horrifying monster...”  
  
She regretted making that joke as soon as she did, they all saw a dark shape flop beneath the surface. It had that wriggling that made it hard to tell whether it was a reflection disturbed by the water or something truly alive.

“Tanya...” whispered the cyborg with more urgency.

“I know,” she said back, quietly performing the magic to produce Bam! Another badger, bat, chameleon, squirrel, and tanuki burst from the leaves. They made as lifelike a replica of the group as any.

It didn’t take long for their unsubtle standing in the water for something to lunge from the soiled waters. It was a fish….in the tail and arms anyway. From what their brains could best piece together, it was a fish creature with scales all down its torso. It had a long flowing tail and two arms that looked oddly like tails, all connecting to a torso that looked like a living scaly cuirass and a hideous smooth-scaled head with frowning eyes and a wide grinning mouth. Said grinning mouth went to action chomping into leaf!Badgerclops, tearing open a bunch of leafy material.

Badgerclops gripped his face as he sank down in weak-kneed fear, “What the fuuuuuck.”

“What the what?” said Camille.

But the badger couldn’t stop whispering, “Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck.”

“Okaaaaaaay,” said a nervous Tanya, “I think that’s enough sewer aquarium today, I say we go….”

Badgerclops was way ahead of them, already walking away from the group with Adorabat following. Tanya groaned, stuck with Camille and Honey. Tanya urged them onward, which was the worst thing she could have done, apparently. In doing so, she won an unprompted and audible, “Huh?!” from Camille.

The water splashed against them, bursting very close with the grimace of those fish creatures, creatures in plural because Tanya saw not one but two burst forth.

“Oh great,” she tossed a few decoy leaves and doing her magic before dragging the chameleon and squirrel along, “They breed.”

“Ooh I’m sure they’ve been loooong forgotten by whoever runs this place!” beamed Camille, “They’re plenty hungry!”

“I love the encouragement, but from one magical artisan to another can you go any faster?” asked Tanya.

Honey shook her head as if to answer for her that no, they can’t.

“Greaaaaaaaat….” Tanya said. They better have expensive loot, she thought to herself as she hoisted both of them into her arms into a dual firefighter carry. She had to give kudos to herself, she really had been working the old lefty-righty.

She bumped into Badgerclops, still running from the voracious water beasts.

Tanya shouted at him, “Hey! Wild seeing you here!”

“Yeah totally!” retorted Badgerclops, “We should pick a better venue next time though, okay?!”

“Yeah um maybe when you’re done running you can pick up the two wizards who are our only ticket out of here?!” asked Tanya.

Embarrassed, Badgerclops laughed, “Ohhhh why didn’t you say---” Another sewer fish bashed its face against the brick wall in a mad fit of hunger. That was enough convincing for Badgerclops to hold both magicians in his robot arm, “NOW YOUR ARMS ARE FREE TO DO THE DISTRACTING THING OKAY?!”

“I dunno they’re still kind of tired,” she flexed her biceps.

“WE’RE ALL IMPRESSED AND SLIGHTLY ATTRACTED OKAY BUT PLEAAASE LEAF THINGY.” cried Badgerclops.

“I don’t want to be eaten!!!” said Adorabat.

“Uuuugh okay,” she tossed a few leaves, “But only because I don’t want to be eaten too.”

More leaves meant more bait for the sewer fishes. And they eagerly tore up the blank-faced decoys of the team. Even with no blood, it wasn’t a pretty sight to see oneself get ripped to shreds by a horrible monster that stewed in waste for ages.

They reached the end of their current route, the result of them making several blind turns in a fit of panic and arguing. It was a square hole in the ceiling at the end of the tunnel. No ladder lead up to it, but Badgerclops was eager to get out of there.

“Last stop...whatever horrible thing’s next alley-oop!” he threw Camille and Honey out the ceiling hole. Next came Tanya.

The tanuki stopped him before she did a flip through the hole, followed by Adorabat flying through, and then Badgerclops grabbing with his cyborg arm and pulling himself through.

Badgerclops sighed, happy to be on a dry, well-cleaned marble floor, “Aaaaah...AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!”

Well so much for that as the biting face of one of the sewer fish was wriggling past the hole, not quite fitting. Tanya groaned, “Are you KIDDING me?!” She looked down, “They made a pile.”

“Like...a fish stack?!” cried Badgerclops.

“Yeah! Ok let’s just cave in the floor. You got a laser thing in that arm, right?” the tanuki asked.

Badgerclops for once agreed, pointing his arm and ready to blast before...nothing. He shook his arm, making exasperated whining noises, “It’s not shooting!”

“Gee maybe fixing you arm was a good idea instead of that dumb macho thing you were doing,” said Tanya.

“I wasn’t on a macho thing, I was hyperfocused on Mao Mao!” cried Badgerclops.

“Let me try something,” said Camille parted their way before she spat into her hands and began muttering to herself. In a harsh red light the ribbed vaulted ceiling above blew into several chunks of rock, falling over the group.

Badgerclops gathered them into a ball, rolling away as it caved in on the ferocious starving beasts of the sewer. Stunned, he looked at the proud old chameleon, “...where was THAT this whole time?!”

“Darn,” said Camille, “That was supposed to be an explosion the size of a moon.”

The rest of the group looked on in horror before gathering themselves for the continued journey. They were standing in a dark hallway with brickwork like the sewer below, but now the ceiling rose above them in a ribbed vaulted design. It was near dark, save the faint glow of the cyan torches hanging high on the walls.

“Well they def got our addresses and phone numbers now,” said Badgerclops.

“Not for long,” said Tanya, casting more leaves behind her, “Misdirection~”

“We’re gonna need a lot of misdirecting,” said Adorabat.

The hallway felt like it was going longer than it should have, like they were continuing to go in circles. For the longest time they hadn’t seen a door, only the sound of thrumming that grew more noticeable as they continued along.

“Well, ominous noise means we’re making some progress,” said Tanya, “And oh look at that. A big ominous black door.”

She was right, stuck in the right wall laid dual swinging doors of a blackened metal with carvings of a solemn winged hairless creature holding their hands together in solemn mediation. Each square frieze seemed to have the being meditating over four different things: weapons, books, a garden of flowers and animals, and then more hairless animal things.

“Wow okay we shouldn’t go in there,” said Badgerclops.

“Yep,” affirmed Tanya.

“But we literally have nowhere else to go.” the badger continued.

“Also true.” said Tanya.

“And there’s definitely people on our tail the other way back,” Badgerclops continued.

“Oh for sure,” she replied.

“So my intuition iiiiis….” Badgerclops said, “Go in?”

“I mean,” Tanya laughed, “I didn’t think you were the leader, sorry but second bannanaing seems kind of your thing. So who wants to take a vote?”

“Oooh! I do! I love voting!” said Adorabat.

Tanya threw out her hands, “Okay so in favor of going through that door yea, raise your limb?”

Nearly everyone raised their appendage.

“Riiight,” she sighed to herself, “Forgot who I was with for a second.”  
  
“You hear democracy,” said Badgerclops, “In we go!”

The doors swung open to not a monster or soldiers, but books. Rows and rows of bookshelves ran the course of the room in a massive oval. The bookcases seemed to stretch beyond their sight. On the main floor sat regular desks, which was nothing fancy or noticeable. The very center of the room was the main attraction, perhaps the very first thing anyone entering would see. From wherever the ceiling sat came down several pillars, but they left no space in the place they met. No, instead these columns seemed to cloister together like an area to cement something inside. The column-plaza was slightly lower than the rest of the room, but that didn’t cease the rivers of light from cracking beneath the floor. In fact, the whole room from the center outward radiated this strange light, a light that not only glowed in cyan but sang in a thrumming tone almost like a voice. Around this column-pillar sat a circle of desks and chairs built on very high legs, with hooded figures bent over tomes, inking words they couldn’t make out.

“Plug your ears Adorabat but,” Badgerclops whispered in awe, “What the shiiiiiiiiiit.”

Honey whispered to Camille so she could relay her message, “This is it.”

“What’s it?” asked Tanya.

“This is where all that magic comes from, Honey told me,” the chameleon pointed to the column enclosure, “Within that tomb is the angel.”

They stepped inside, not stopped by any of the other cloaked figured busy in their reading or transcribing.

“So this is it?” asked Tanya, “So we just use a spell or pull its plug and then no more angel, right?”

“I don’t know!” shrugged Camille.

“What,” frowned Tanya, looking to Honey for answers. She shrugged too.

“It’s not like I’m an expert on angels! No one is!” replied the chameleon, “I don’t have a spell for killing divine things!”

“Boy if only we had someone with a laser cannon for an arm,” sighed Tanya, “That’d solve everything.”

“Ok when did this become a sabotage mission?!” growled Badgerclops, “We’re here for Mao Mao, that’s it.”

“I--” Tanya started, way too frustrated to get into the reasons hinging everything on Mao Mao was dumb, “Okay no fine, let’s get Mao Mao…I’m gonna…go book shopping...don’t mind me….”

“What?!” From one of the obscenely tall chairs slid down a robed figure, slinking their way to the group, “No one is supposed to disturb these chambers during research hours!” The figure, now seen to be a pink hairless creature save their stubble, sniffed at the air, “You reek of the sewer. But you’re not the monkfish. Why is that?”

Tanya gave a ‘let me handle this’ wink, “We’re here on orders to inspect the angel, of course.”

He gave the group a blank stare before scoffing, “…all matters of the Angel are relegated to me, the Master of Scholars.”

“This is above your station, I’m afraid,” Tanya coughed.

“I speak with milady and the Angel Directly!” the Master countered, “It still would not explain the necessity of four to accompany you! Now explain!”

“...F-f-fine, how are you?” asked Badgerclops.

“Excuse me?” the Master of Scholars replied.

“I’M SORRY,” blubbered the cyborg, “I JUST CRUMBLE UNDER PRESSURE!”

“I’ll just have the Angel cast you into the cold embrace of the cosmos where you belong--” he eyed Adorabat, “...wait. That heart shape...it’s like…the other ‘Sweetypies….”

“What did you say?” asked Camille, “How do you know…?”

The Master of Scholars swept his robe before bending his knee to pray before the pillars. Almost immediately there came heavy knocking at the door, the sound of metal clinking against metal. Tanya and crew wasted no time running and leaving decoys.

They spotted a scholar cowering beneath a table. Badgerclops scoffed, “Dude why are you hiding?”

“You done it,” she said.

“Done what?” asked Tanya.

“Milady’s Surveyors...” the scholar continued, “They’re here. Once there is an enemy in the Hall they won’t--” She silenced herself as the doors were opened by the Master of Scholars.

There were three of them. They jerked and creaked beneath the entrance, their long silver-armored limbs bending in four places, every single limb. Their armor was beautiful and ornate, carved with vine and rose imagery, the chest plate especially inked with stripped patterns. But such beauty could not hide the wrongness in which they moved, the quickness of their jerky movements...nor the lack of heads.

“Intruder...” they seethed in unison.

“Thank god you’re here,” the Master of Scholars pointed to the leaf decoys, “They’re right there. Don’t harm the little blue rat. She’s a Sweetypie. She’s needed.”

The real Adorabat furrowed her brow.

“Sweetypie...” they heaved in unison.

“So,” the Master of Scholars seemed more inconvienced than anything else, “Get on with it!”

The trio of Surveyors gathered around the decoys quickly. Just as fast their herky-jerky arms snapped around the group, squeezing and squeezing before…scooping. They lacked claws but it was terrifying to see how fast they reduced the decoys to nothing but a pile of leaves. All that was left was the leaf!Adorabat, squeezed tight between one Surveyor’s crooked armored hands. In just one squeeze it burst into leaves.

“FFFFFFAKE,” they raged, “FAKE! FAKE! FAKE!”

The Master of Scholars looked at a loss, “I-I-I don’t know...they must be cheating with some sort of magic!”

“Fail...” they pointed at him, “Empress told….fail….”

“I promise I won’t fail!!” all the composure the Master had seemed to fall apart at the Surveyor’s disappointment.

“Wait...” they raised their hands to twitch and jitter in the air, “Wait….”

They leaped, slamming on top of the closest table beneath which laid another hapless scholar. They yanked the hollering hooded figure before they bunched close together, their hands diving into his body. Though they couldn’t see exactly what was happening in the midst of all that Surveyor arm flailing and metallic grinding, the screams turning to gurgles lent no optimism.

Once done, they leaped to the next table, closer to the group as they lugged a lumpy sack over their shoulder.

Tanya hissed, tossing more leaves, “Now! Now!”

They scrambled as further away as they possibly could. Badgerclops looked around: no doors. Where else to go other than up? His arm’s stretching managed to stay intact, he was glad to have kept that. Tossing several books off a higher up shelf, Badgerclops grabbed a shelf before collecting the two magicians and letting one tanuki (begrudgingly) on his back. It was a good escape, the Surveyors busy tearing apart another decoy, before the books hit the floor and a scholar complained loudly, “Milady’s research!”

Instantly the trio of beasts twitched in their direction.

“Haha what are the odds are they can climb?” chuckled an anxious Badgerclops.

“They’re scary and they got a gimmick,” said Tanya, “Odds are real high.”

True to their nature, the Surveyors began slipping their hands between the books, hoisting themselves and throwing themselves dangerously closer to where Badgerclops was pulling the group. Wow, he thought, how high must this be? Not high enough if the Surveyors managed to get beside Badgerclops so fast. Their free hands swerved before his face, popping and twitching like an irate snapping turtle.

“Give Sweetypie...” they demanded.

“Uh! Tanya?!” asked Badgerclops.

The tanuki groaned, “I can only go so fast.” She shoved not just one or two leaves into their twitchy fingers but complete handfuls of leaves. As she said her magic, it soon began to rain, a rain of Badgerclops. The cyborg badger copies had to number in the dozens as gravity pelted them across the Surveyor’s bodies and down towards the floor. Though realistically they weighed practically nothing as copies, the number and element of surprise threw them out of their element fast enough to slow them down.

Badgerclops grimaced as he watched himself rain and plop to the ground in a pile of leaves while he reached an empty shelf they could rest, “Jeeze...not to complain or anything, but this is really kind of messed up.”

As he took refuge, Tanya pocketed whatever books she could carry before realizing, “...there’s got to be better than books.”

“Those guys are coming back reaaaal fast,” Adorabat commented.

She was right; the Surveyors managed to make chopped salad out of the Badgerclopses and made good time returning back to the bookshelf. Tanya then found a better use for those priceless tomes: beaning the creatures right in their weird armored torsos. It helped slow them down...but only for such a short time. She tugged at Badgerclops, “How about getting a move on?!”

The cyborg stretched his arm out to clamp on distantly high ladder to hoist the group. As they rose Badgerclops commented, “Hey so update: there’s only ceiling in this ceiling. With lots of weird winged people paintings.”

“Ugh who designed this place?!” groaned Tanya out of frustration as she sent more decoy leaves to distract the trio.

Badgerclops stopped at the top of the ladder, gazing down at what must have been a skyscraper’s height by now. And for all he could see, the columns keeping the Angel met at the very ceiling like a conduit.

“Well clearly we’re not gonna find any doors here,” Badgerclops mused, “Unless….” He looked at that pillar.

Tanya squinted one eye, “Yeah, that thing has no way in unless you can make a saw out of that arm.”

“I tried!” the badger said before motioning to Camille and Honey, “But we won’t need a saw to get in, right Camille?”

“Yeah you’re right, Baster, I do need a bandsaw,” Camille stopped as the squirrel whispered into her ear, “Oh wait. Ohhh you want me to send you flying into that? Ohoho...I mean sure!”

“That’s the spirit!” said Badgerclops, worried now.

“You know this is totally like throwing ourselves in a nuclear reactor but I one hundred percent support you,” the tanuki teased.

Badgerclops laughed weakly, “It’s all I got!”

“Um,” Adorabat interrupted, pointing downwards, “Wasn’t there three of those guys? There’s only two.”

“Fffffffffyes,” a hideous voice said as it clawed at the bookcase. They could see up close that this Surveyor was bigger than any one of them, in fact they were as big as this tall bookcase. Those jittery fingers searched for their targets, eager to slice into them. Until one fingertip met the mouth of Adorabat, clamping down hard even despite the armor. This sent the creature into a frenzied howling, rocking the bookcases back and forth.

“Okay no time for debate! Time to go!” Badgerclops jerked Adorabat away.

As he did, the kickback of his yanking and Adorabat’s biting sent the Surveyor careening backwards off that bookshelf as high as a skyscraper off towards the bottom of the library in a loud clatter.

Camille pocketed her silver liquid, “This stuff doesn’t come by easy, you know! But alright hold hands and we’ll do the bear’s plan.”

Quickly they did as told, hearing the screeching of the Surveyors as Camille mumbled again, a red light engulfing them once again and…

...they blew apart on a different floor, one with stained glass windows.

Badgerclops rubbed his head, feeling a little dizzy, “...huh I expected something different.”

“I don’t think that was me,” whispered Camille, “I think someone brought us here.”

“So did you and mittens ever make a ruckus this big, fuzzball?” asked Tanya.

“Hehe yeah,” said Badgerclops, “But hey! We’re alive.”

“Yeah cause of Me.” demanded Adorabat.

“Yeah Adorabat helped too,” added Badgerclops, “Anyway, wish this place had a map at least. How does anyone do anyth--”

Tanya elbowed him, pointing at the end of the hallway, “Mittens?”

A black cat stood at the end, wearing a dark doublet and a ruffle collar. Badgerclops scoffed, “Psssh no those ears are too narrow and eyes too small so that must mean….” He trailed off.

“Huh, his sister,” said Tanya.

Badgerclops approached, waving, “Hey Big Sis Mao! So uh….how y’all doing? Weird question, but is this a family reunion? This some weird time share?”

She answered her question by beating the pole end of her halberd into Badgerclops’ belly, winding him. He fell over in gut-clenching agony, “Ooooooookay I get it, she’s mad.”

Tanya pulled him back, throwing pocket leaves just in time before the axe split the marble floor into a wound-like crack. “I don’t think that’s it.”

“Okay I am so confused now,” said Badgerclops, hobbling as he tried getting his breath, “This is an in-law thing right?”

“Noooope. She’s definitely not on our side though,” Tanya grimaced as the sister matched the speed she was throwing leaves, “Is it weird I find her kind of hot in an angry way?”

“Since it’s Mao Mao’s sister A LITTLE WEIRD,” commented Badgerclops as he struggled to keep up, “Camille can’t you use that magic to poof us out again?”

“I only have so much left!” said Camille.

“Well guess my arm’s gotta bail us out again,” said the badger.

“I’m doing most the work here!” and Tanya was sweating, trying to disorient with tens of the crew and the Mao beheaded them with harsh judiciousness each time. Worse, Tanya found her leaves being pulled away by some force of magic. Oh great, the one Mao who can do magic.

Badgerclops replied, “Sorry you’re right, I do appreciate your effort but also I’m flipping the hell out!”

“That’s valid!” Tanya felt the same as her leaves were being yanked away by the coaxing of the sister Mao’s gestures. She grasped her hands tight on her last few leaves. This would have to count. Taking all the effort she could put into she tossed the leaves to produce in an instant...a door, very much like the one from the library. “Okay...that should buy us...a couple seconds.”

Badgerclops nodded, only focused on keeping up until he nearly fell off the floor into a long shaft. Tanya grabbed him, straining to pull him back but she did it. The group looked down and up to see a long dark rectangular shaft that seemed to go on endlessly. “Okay so they took out the stairs but they kept the part where the stairs went?”

“None of this makes sense,” Tanya said, “We need to bail though. Fast.”

“You got it,” Badgerclops stretched his arm to grasp above them as he tugged the group, now resting on his back (much to his agony), slowly upwards.

“Can you go any faster?” asked Camille.

Badgerclops replied, “I am in a lot of pain right now so no.”

As he said that, the mysterious feline sister swung her halberd ax into the opposite wall and launched herself in their direction. Panicked, Badgerclops pulled himself faster, “Orrr maybe I can!!”

Barely making it to the next floor, Badgerclops and the others collected themselves in a heap when the mysterious sister Mao landed right behind them. This was it, they had to find shelter anywhere, none of them were in a shape to fight. Badgerclops could see the door just to their right, but could they make it?

As Tanya helped Badgerclops up, they didn’t notice Camille slip away to stand in the path of the magician. Camille turned to Honey, catching the silver flask Camille tossed as she shook her head and grasped for her teacher. The chameleon told her, “No go with them, I might not match their magic but I can hold them off.”

Though Badgerclops furrowed his brow, he scooped up Honey as she mouthed a silent ‘no’ to the other magician. Honey was the only one who saw Camille mumble up some crimson magical energy to clash against what seemed like a wall of harsh cellophane will. The cat narrowed her eyes, “You’re one of them...the Sweetypies...”

That’s all they heard as the group barged through the door and into a suddenly silent party. From the arcane and fancy way they dressed (in addition to being mostly alien as hell), they got this sense that this was a private party. One alien in a flourishing gown, tan skin, and with hair gathered on their head gave an offended gasp as they saw them burst in, “Oh eugh….who let the rabble in?!”

A similar alien with plaster skin and zero hair in a petticoat added, “The SMELL off that one alone!” He pointed at Badgerclops, “And that rusted scrap coming out of its torso, it’s some kind of refuse from the BOILER room.”

“Okay why are all the roasts centered around me?” sighed Badgerclops, “Is it because I’m the tallest? We do have a bat you know.” He pointed to Adorabat.

“VERMIN!” cried another guest who looked like an eel with arms in a doublet.

“Gentlebodies, please pleaaaaase….” an airy voice parted the disgusted crowd with ease, “Don’t be too hasty to attack my servants, ahaha.” It was Snugglemagne. From the looks of it he was fitting in well with a powdered wig and more powdered makeup caking his fur along with an obscenely big ruff.

The gown-wearing alien asked, “These creatures are yours?”

“Oh yes,” he chortled, slapping Badgerclops’ side, “What they lack in self-care, manners, intelligence, they do make up for impeccable service~”

The petticoat human added, “Oh Lord Snugglemagne, you always find the time for sharing a good ribald joke, don’t you?”

“You know me~” the lion winked, “Now come along servants!”

“I am not playing along with--” Tanya tugged at his feet as Snugglemagne lead the servants to a side of the vast ballroom. And how vast it was, it was nearly the size of a stadium with a chandelier of glass large as a truck to hang over the whole procession. And even still with how packed it was, Badgerclops and Company felt out of place.

“Aha, funny.” Tanya dropped any pretensions of being polite, she pulled his collar to the floor as she spoke to him, “Alright flufflame, what’s going on and where’s Mao Mao?”

Adorabat landed on his head to kick at his ear.

“Ow! Owwwww!” Snugglemagne reached for one of the several clothed tables where sat a teacup to take a sip, “How would I know? Some party isn’t it?”

“Dude he doesn’t know anything,” sighed Badgerclops, motioning for Adorabat.

Tanya released the lion where he continued to sip, “I simply woke up here and before you know it, they gave me a costume and it’s been nonstop partying ever since! Not sure of the theme….”

“Can’t you at least tell us where Mao Mao is?” asked Adoarabat.

“Mao Mao?” Snugglemagne mused, “OH yes! The Sheriff! I suppose he tendered his resignation...seems he’s not working for me anymore...it’s a shame I can’t find anyone as cute as him to make his replacement.” He eyed Honey, “...aren’t you with some old lizard? Where is she?”

Honey dipped her hat over her eyes.

Badgerclops was ready to give up when...he saw a flash of two pointy ears moving among the crowds. It was hard to tell, given how taller everyone else was but then there he was again! It was definitely the same cat he used to wake up with every morning! He knew the exact subtle mountain-like shape of those ears. He saw them nearly every day. And the tint of green in those eyes...he knew those well. Badgerclops and Adorabat went sorting through the crowd (whichw was easy since they were still disgusted) till they saw him...the back of him.

Gone was the red cloak. Instead he seemed to be wearing some kind of white robe with gray sleeves (In Badgerclops’ opinion that so didn’t go with his natural fur and eye color). But Badgerclops said, “...Mao Mao?”

He made a noise, the same grunty kind of noise he always heard. Adorabat was already ecstatic. She flapped around Mao Mao’s head, her voice pealing with joy, “Oh Mao Mao you’re alive you’re alive I knew you wouldn’t let anyone capture you I knew you had a smart plan to get out and now we’re all gonna get out--”

Mao Mao sighed, raising his hand for Adorabat to perch, “You’re not supposed to be here.”

“Wh--” Adorabat looked confused.

“Hey man, maybe give something more than that? We kind of almost got killed by three different things getting here,” huffed Badgerclops, “Even Tanya is here--”

“Hey mittens,” She waved as she approached, “So uh….for what it’s worth...I’m sorry.”

“Adorabat take Tanya and go,” Mao Mao said.

“Wouldn’t be the other way around?” asked Tanya

“Go.” he didn’t have the same angry edge to him. It sounded more like he was just drained or tired or...worse, “I need to talk to Badgerclops alone.”

Adorabat frowned, her head sinking, “Ok….let’s go Tanya….” She fluttered away, tugging Tanya into the party, despite the tanuki’s protests.

Mao Mao lead the badger away into a balcony. Badgerclops was wondering why a ballroom had a balcony when he saw that it was to mostly overlook a little greenhouse...which he guessed was nice. But now he just realized: they were in space.

“Is this space? Are we in space? You owe me for that alien thing by the way.” Badgerclops was mostly baffled, thinking this was a phase. He put a gentle hand on his shoulders, “Babe, if you wanted to go evil, you know I’d be down. You and me and Adorabat, we can go join a little evil...whatever this! I don’t care, I won’t judge! But uh...could you call off your sister cause sh—GGHHK”

Two knives were sheathed, drawn at Badgerclops’ neck. Mao Mao growled, “Don’t talk about my family ever again. Now...go home. And just wait for things to be better.” his brows furrowed, sad, “Cause they will be better but they can’t if you’re both here!”

“Did you seriously pull knives on me?! ...if you kissed me right now that’d be kind of awesome.” said the cyborg, “And also why!? Why can’t we be here!? I supported your thing when you were being all hero, but now you wanna go down the dark path I can’t?! Give me a reason that isn’t wrapped in some angsty preteen bullshit!”

Mao Mao put his blades away, “Just trust me, it’s for our good. I’m working to make things better!”

“But things WERE good!” the badger groaned, “What happened here? You got brainwashed?”

“You know me, you know if I got brainwashed,” the feline grasped his head, “I wanted to make this EASIER and you had to make it hard!!!”

“By CARING about you?!” Badgerclops shouted, “Is that’s what so hard? Cause believe it or not, I nearly died for YOU. Not for the universe, for you! So why can’t I at least be by your side when you’re doing something stupid!?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Mao Mao turned his back, looking at the flowers reaching for the stars beneath the glass windows. He whipped around and pushed the badger to where Tanya and Adorabat were waiting, “But soon you will. ‘bye Badgerclops.”

He pressed his hands together in solemn prayer as the cyan light surrounded the three. Badgerclops stretched his robotic arm in vain, “Mao Mao?! MAO MAO!”

Clunk! A robotic arm clattered to the floor where the Badgerclops, Tanya, and Adorabat once stood. The feline rose to hug the arm that was attached to Badgerclops.

Manat strode into the room. The party-goers bowed as she made her way to her brother, holding Camille in one hand, “Hmm I see you ran into the intruders as well.”

Mao Mao cleared his throat, “Er… yeah.” He held up the arm, “Had to take care of them but...this is all that’s left.”

“You mean that and the little Sweetypie.” Manat corrected as she nodded her head to Honey, giving the evil eye to the three of them from behind Snugglemagne.

“Yeah of course,” Mao Mao rubbed the back of his head, “Figured since you caught one you’d have the other but glad that nothing gets passed you.”

She patted her brother’s head, “You did well, Chaplin Mao. Milady feared they would attempt to steal back the ruby pure heart but not only did you and I found the ones who wormed their way in, they’re also the missing Sweetypies.”

“Oh I thought they were all...” Mao Mao trailed off to feign his surprise.

“The Master of Scholars failed to relegate that information,” Manat replied, “For that and his other incompetent acts he will be punished. You and I however, shall reap more of milady’s favor.”

“Yeah yeah...favor is good,” mumbled Mao Mao, raising the robotic arm, “I guess you want this.”

She took it without word before approaching Snugglemagne, “Lion, you and the squirrel will accompany me.”

“Oooh sure! I adore surprises~” said Snugglemagne, urging a defeated Honey along. As Mao Mao watched them get escorted by his sister the executioner, he gave a half-hearted wave to the arm.

The invading trio landed back on the planet, right in front of the sheriff’s headquarters. Tanya breathed actual air before sighing, “Crap. We forgot the little squirrel witch.”

“We came all this way...only for Mao Mao to send us back?” asked Adorabat. She turned to Badgerclops, “There’s a spell right? We just gotta find another witch who can get us back right?”

The badger turned around, heading back inside, not even caring for his missing robot arm, “It’s over, Adorabat. I’m...gonna go game a bit. You can help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge.”

“But...” started Adorabat.

“Eh...” said Badgerclops.

“But...” she said again.

Tanya shook her head, “Leave him be, kid. I don’t think fuzzball over there has his heart in it right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I had money and was like a millionaire filmmaker, that last bit would be a montage playing Hallelujah from Shrek but I'm not. But thanks for all those who commented/kudosd/read so far!


	8. Stab as Occasion Serves

All that remained in one of the Celestial Hall’s ballrooms was one arm. This chrome, synthetic arm had no shoulder or body attached. Yet the digits twitched with alien life all the same. It flopped and twitched with greater fury as the chrome body expanded and popped with the creaking attributed normally to superheated metal. But the soldered hole where the arm was detached produced something new. From its dark maw out came a glowing pair of lights attached to a veiny inter-connected ball of wires. It was easy to say this was not an ordinary head. But the embedded black dentures made no mistake: it was a head.

The dentures opened their fake teeth to bellow in beeps straining together in a vibrato speech. Once twitching the fingers now grasped deep into the carpet, digging into the material as the head rasped aloud to no one save but that one constant omnipresence, “Angel...bring me…...to milady and the other lesser servants!”

To the stranger’s convenience Manat, Mao Mao, and the Voicemaiden had left the ballroom to meet with the Squire. The Voicemaiden had gathered them to prepare a search party for the last Sweetypie. This meeting itself became interrupted as the arm-and-head abomination appeared in their circle.

The Voicemaid clasped her appendages together, sharing her Empress’ pleasure, “It appears our Commander surprises us once more! What excellence in seeing you once more.”

“Commander Singular cheats death once again,” the Squire marveled with a bent knee.

Mao Mao was less impressed and more tweaked out. This was his former partner’s arm, now commandeered by some robotic monster, “Si-Singular? He’s alive?”

“No thanks to any of you,” sighed Singular, “If you gave me TEN more minutes that oaf’s body could have been mine!”

“A member of the court need not concern themselves with physical matters,” said Manat.

The head skittered on his fingers to size up Mao Mao, “But we’re allowing anyone’s whelp now, I see. I see I see I see….”

“Mao Mao,” defended the Unforgiven Squire, “Is here on his merit as a Chaplainn.”

“Your positions are built on our merit, if we must remind you,” said the Voicemaiden, “And, like the Master of Scholars, it is one that can be removed.”

“Oh I’ve heard,” tittered Singular, “Lost one Master, three Surveyors, and have a bunch of liar liarfaces in the hall? You suffer without me!”

“It would be less likely for our goal nearing its end without its complications, would it not?” beamed the Voicemaiden, “Quite invigorating.”

“How close is that?” asked Singular.

“Hold your tongue near milady!” huffed the Squire.

“Quite alright, my dear Squire,” the Voicemaiden said with the same grace. As she clasped her hands, the group was taken to a small circular room surrounded by tall glowing stained glass windows.

“Been some time since we visited the war room,” said Manat.

Mao Mao laughed uncomfortably, “Yeah of course the war room. For...war and rooms.”

On that awkward note, the Voicemaiden gestured to one stained glass window as the glass suddenly made the shape of a heart, “Indeed. From our research, it appears the Pure Heart holds a special symbiotic relationship with the rabble known as Sweetypies. We are in possession of all but one.”

Mao Mao kept his mouth shut tight, trying to eye the robotic commander without gaining his attention.

“If I may?” Manat bowed asking.

The Voicemaiden bowed.

Manat continued, pointing to another window to form the glass silhouettes of Mao Mao’s companions, “The invading party had two Sweetypies, both are with us. The Master of Scholars told us of a third. We have yet to confirm.”

Click, clack. Singular’s hand crawled over to eye another window, “Sweetypie...with a heart? Yeees? And pointy ears and flappy flap wings?”

The Chaplain Mao’s heart dropped as Singular’s window lit up with an image of Adorabat’s shadow. He kept his mouth shut even tighter.

Manat, “...why yes I saw one. Yet they vanished with the big one and the illusionist.”

“Must have been what the oaf had reached for before the light made..” a thumb pointed at Singular’s head, “Me. Me. Me.”

Voicemaiden beamed, “Then our capture of the Sweetypie and completion of the Pure Mind and Pure Heart is an inevitability.”

“Milady,” rose the Unforgiven Squire, “I shall take a party and find the Sweetypie.”

Now Mao Mao’s heart was beating fast.

“No!” cut in Singular. The room went quiet to stare at the machine, “Squire wants to pick needles through haystacks, needles through haystacks. Too much time wasted. Enough time for little brat to hide.”

“What do you suggest them, Commander?” Manat said as though she was giving the title ‘commander’ with the greatest reluctance,

Singular snapped his head back to his window, the stained glass now making the shape of a circle over a hand, “Don’t get the water by picking each drop, no no, get it by squeezing it.”  
  
“You suggest using a sword to cut through a field to find a single blade at risk of cutting the blade itself,” said the Squire.

Ugh metaphors, thought Mao Mao.

“You don’t listen!” said Singular, skittering around, “Listen! No need to kill...only make their home unlivable. Make home so toxic they MUST come to our home.”

“We see your brilliance now, Commander,” the Voicemaiden said, “If we impact conditions of their environment and offer refuge, we can easily bring them to us...”

“...and sort them out to find the Sweetypie creature!” finished Singular.

“But,” Mao Mao had to object, “What if we get it wrong? I mean changing a whole planet’s...thing...can you do that without killing people?”

“Don’t be doubtful, Chaplain Mao,” said Manat.

The Voicemaiden replied, “That is what the Vehicles of Faith are for. Commander Singular has provided an excellent strategy as well as an excellent opportunity for you to act on our behest, my dear Chaplain. You shall help herd these lost souls as we gather them to the Old Capital.”  
  
“That what?!” blurted Mao Mao.

The emissary smiled that same distant smile to the feline, “We couldn't allow that rabble to freely traipse our Celestial Hall. The Old Capital shall be an excellent testing ground for the Pure Heart and Pure Mind.”  
  
“So we’re all clear! Good. Good,” Singular was practically cackling through each syllable.

“Good indeed,” the Voicemaiden clasped her hands together, “We must attend to our lady’s true self now, but we leave the operation in your hands, Commander Singular.”  
  
With a cyan column of light she was gone.  
  
“As it should,” tittered Singular, “Duke, Squire. Prepare your Vehicles. I want the little one to accompany me.”  
  
“Of course,” both said.

Mao Mao nervously eyed the machine even as he thought ‘he’s smaller than me, what is he talking about’.

At least Mao Mao was given the mercy of one thought before being beamed away to another unknown location in the hall. This time he nearly doubled over when he saw the huge threatening expanse of space at their feet. Only a thin sheet of light held them back.

He sputtered, skittering across the tiled plank hanging over it, “Hue—er--wh--so what’s this Vehicle of Faith everyone was talking about?”

“You’ll see,” as Singular said this, he began climbing up Mao Mao’s robe over his shoulder, “It’s a shame I didn’t take the body of that oaf you’re smitten for...what’s his name...Badgerclops?”

“Hey what are you--” Mao Mao’s blood ran cold, “You talking nonsense? I mean, how ridiculous a name is that...Badgerclops?”

The head-hand clasped atop his head, roughly rubbing the feline’s head, “You make a big mistake. I may be a thug...but it doesn’t mean I’m not aware.”

“It’s really hard to talk when you keep doing thaaaaaaaaat,” hissed Mao Mao.

The petting stopped, Singular tittering, “I didn’t tell them about why you sent away Badgerclops and the one called Tanya and…...who is the Sweetypie? Oh yes….Adorabat.”

His ears flattened, Mao Mao feeling cold in the grasp of this machine, “Wh--”

“I wasn’t able to move, doesn’t mean I didn’t hear and see everything from that oaf’s arm,” laughed Singular, “No need to tell your beloved sister or milady. You know why?”  
  
Mao Mao shook his head, “...n-no…...”

“The Angel will know. Your sin is lying exposed...” Singular tapped his head, “Like a wire.”  
  
“He-hey,” Mao Mao said, “I’m loyal to milady like anyone else.”  
  
“Good. Keep believing that.” said Singular as he reached for the back of Mao Mao’s neck, “Because your loyalty will come into question if you’re not a good boy who does. Everything. We. Tell. You. And we don’t want your precious Badgerclops implicated in your own idiocy, do we?”

“I promise,” swallowed Mao Mao, “Everything I do...is for...milady….”

“Of course of course!” mocked Singular as he hopped off and skittered towards a lever. From the ceiling a scaffold lowered something Mao Mao didn’t expect to see among a mystical, old-aesthetic spacecraft: a giant robot, looking like something made of embroidered armor. Its cuirass was wide enough to accommodate any average sized creature.

Singular continued, “As Chaplain you’ll be a good boy and bring the cow to the pens!”

“How do I...steer it?” asked Mao Mao as he watched the cuirass open to a seat surrounded by levers and pedals.

The hand-head machine replied, “You’ll figure it out!”  
  
Mao Mao sat in the cockpit, staring out with a tired expression. He breathed in deep, thinking of how far he was from the hero he had striven to be. This is for Badgerclops, he told himself, even if I can’t see him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient, this baby's still continuing


	9. The Destruction of Mice and Such Small Beasts

The Lonely Dive sat at the top of a hard-to-reach cropping of an icy ravine where it snowed nearly twenty four seven. The location was far from ideal, but the danger and solitude of it made it attractive to the bottom-of-the-barrel folks. These kind of folks were already scraping by on the lowest point of their lives, their careers, of their respective communities. Here in this cabin bar powered only by a low fire, the same fire that was often the only source of light around, this was the place you would go if you wanted to go out of your way to be by yourself.

Tanya was at the bottom of her barrel, just as her face was looking at the bottom of a glass. One of her good friends had gone mental, she lost her sky pirate bounty, and for once? She could say it had something to do with her.

The owner, a tall burly panda with an eyepatch tromped his way to her table, the candlewax running low and throwing shadows everywhere. He coughed, “Another sake?”

At first she barely seemed to understand the question. Then, after a good moment of groaning drunkenly, she raised her head, “Lemme ask you somethin. If you knew something was gonna end the world, but you didn’t know how. An’ you had no idea where it was comin’ from...whaddya do?”

Before a breath could be gathered, she pushed her chair out to orate, “I mean, the right kind of person would have everythin’ goin’ for them and they’d find a way! BUT...then you find out they’re ok with this crappy thing happenin’! So whaddya do?” Tanya waved her arms back and forth, like bad inflatable arms catching a fly, “ You’re one raccoon...thing. What can ya do? If only you was like all the rest of those stoopid fffffolks in the world, who had no idea what was comin’”

She swung back in her chair, looking downtrodden at the candlelight, “Ya can’t blame a bounty hunter for just...wantin’ to be like everyone else? Be someone who don knoooow?”

“….” the bartender said in silence.

“….” Tanya silenced back.

Finally he said, “…..this is a bar. Sake or not?”

Blowing air out between two closed lips to make a noise, she relented, “Sake pleaaaase.”

The bartender grumbled, “Thank fuck I didn’t become a therapist...”

Tanya returned to her reverie with a good friend sake, especially great at keeping her warm. She raised a wobbly glass to the candlelight, “Cheers to you, Mao Mao. I hadn’t had “alien bootlicker” peeegged but either way, you’ll get pegged.”

A soft voice entered the bar, “Is there a Tanya Mao here?”

Without thinking she waved her wobbly arm, “I’m a Tanya Mao.”

“You’re the only person in the bar!” barked the bartender.

Behind her the tanuki spotted a black cat very similar to Mao Mao and his weird sister, only this one had the most shiny sandogasa her eyes ever did spy. Standing with her was another of those tall hairless creatures, only this one had a metallic silver skin, long chrome hair, and wore black fur all over, fur hat included. Tanya’s alarms went off...at a painfully slow pace.

She tipped back in the chair, slurring, “Woah woaaaaaah...if thisis bout MooMoo….I din’ do it.”

The feline blinked, “Moo Moo? Do you mean...Mao Mao?”

“Or Mittens,” she raised a glass.

“How do you know Mao Mao?” asked the cat.

“Good question. Good luck, I gueesss. You go.” Tanya sipped her drink.

The strange duo exchanged looks before the feline replied, “I’m his sister. Matroyshka Mao.”

Tanya spat her drink, “You begin with an M too!?! Do all of you begin with an M!!!” She heaved, “Oh shit...that’s….” she knelt to the floor with giggles.

“Um. Yes.” Matroyshka said, “We have urgent business with you but if you’re busy...”

The raccoon sped to grab the feline, “Business? Doeszis mean money?”

The chrome being said, “If it helps, Money could be spared.”

“Ok good.” Tanya poorly straightened herself, “Business me.”

Matroyshka side-eyed her, “...we’ll have to conduct our business somewhere more private.” Her hat rested on the ground. With an utterance the item started to spin rapidly, From looking at it Tanya felt like a huge light filled the room itself, blotting everything. When her eyes readjusted she found herself in a golden room, things littered in distinct piles all about her. Not just any ordinary things: she found grimoires, weapons, jewels. To Tanya it was walking into a sort of blurry candy shop.  
  
The feline cleared her throat, pulling up stools, “It’s disorienting I know.”  
  
“Magical storage space,” wobbled Tanya onto herself, “Color me impressed.”

“The hat’s storage capacity and my skills of compression,” said Matroyshka, “Saved me and her from my sister.”  
  
“Whooooo are you?” She squinted at the tall chrome woman, “ And Mao Mao has seven sisters, right?”murmured Tanya.

The chrome woman curtsied softly, “Apologies. It was rude not to introduce myself. I am Polito, one of the Empress’ former Vooicemaidens.”

Tanya stared, trying to get everything on a drunken level. She turned to Matroyshka, “Sisters, go. Need to know why Mao Mao wearin’ all white and weird.”

Matroyshka raised a brow, “I hoped he hadn’t gotten involved, that he was partying like father always told us….but if he’s with Manat….”

“Manat?” asked Tanya, “Also man does your dad have anythin’ nice to say about mittens?”

The Mao continued, “Of all our sister Manat was the greatest in magic. She had been given golden contacts with sight beyond sight. It must have been too much for her...recently, she called the rest of her sisters back to the Mao family home.” the feline bowed her head, “We never thought it would be a trap.”  
  
“Whaaaaaat?” asked Tanya.

“Manat appeared in different clothing and powers greater than she had ever trained for. She told us she ‘ended the root of the Mao family’s delusion’.”

Tanya scratched her head.

“She revealed to us she...killed father.”  
  
Oh no Mao Mao, thought Tanya. She sunk her head in her paws, thinking how miserable Mao Mao looked. One of his sisters, who he idolized, murdering his old man in cold blood? No wonder Mao Mao ended up like that…. She clutched her head in her lap, “Oh no….I’m so sorry Mittens….if I only knew….”

“It was terrible,” Matroyshka said, “But worse, she captured us, putting most of us in a sleep state to ‘await purity’. It was only by my hat I was able to escape those terrible glass coffins. Well...my hat….and her,” she held the former Voicemaiden’s hand.

“Back up,” Tanya said, “So where do I fit in this?”

Polito addressed Tanya, “We heard your reputation as one of the greatest bounty hunters. If someone needs to be found, you are the one to seek. We must find not just a people but an entire ship.”  
  
“...does it look like a building? With a weird green-blue light motif? Yeah already tried that.” Tanya scoffed.

“Then we’ll pay you to try once more,” said Matroyshka.

Polito, “You do not understand what the Empress plans for the universe. I was a former Voicemaiden to her, privy to her thoughts..”

“Yeah ruling the universe, got it,” said Tanya.

“No,” said Polito, “The Empress may feel she rules from a place of benevolence...but the means she will achieve it are monstrous.”

“You know my brother, right?” asked Matroyshka, “You saw what happened to him?”  
  
“Yeah,” Tanya looked both dead on, “It’s like he was a different person….and the worst part? He didn’t look like a mind zombie or anything.”  
  
“Those in her inner circle are that fortunate,” Polito added, “If you can call it that. The rest of us…..it’s terrible.”

The tanuki scoffed, “I know, I know. Wish-granting angel.”

“An angel which will help her true crusade,” Polito added, “The Empress’ true design...it is a universe where all memory, all history is erased but the memory of her.”

“I dun get it,” said Tanya.

Polito continued, grasping Matroyshka’s hand, “The Empress wishes to reduce all life to such a state of infantile dependency where she is their sole caretaker whilst a court of her own selection waits on her. Their memory will be severed from their present. It will be such that she will condition them to love nothing but her.”

“….ok that’s beyond messed up,” said Tanya, “But y’know I used a magic lizard to try and break in. Now I have even less leads. It’d be easier if….we just gave up and drank till our time came.”  
  
“Please Tanya,” begged Polito, “If not for the universe, do it for the sake of your friend...”  
  
“I already made things worse,” said the tanuki, “It’s in space, that’s all I know. Where would you start from there?! I’m sorry, but this time you got the wrong tanuki.”  
  
“That’s a shame...” sighed Matroyshka.

In that moment they heard a great rumbling. Like a storm, but the rumbling came from deep within the sky itself.

Matroyshka exchanged glances, “Outside. It doesn’t sound good.”  
  
With a dramatic spin they found themselves average size. Tanya felt sick, “Don’t do that to a gal who just drank!”  
  
“Sorry,” said Matroyshka, “But we must hurry. From Polito's expression something is going on.”

Once Tanya refocused her eyes, that chrome lady sure looked worried, but why? Outside in the snowy banks they looked to the sky. All across it bands of orange clouds started to fill the pristine sky. All the weird stuff she saw, she never saw anything this apocalyptic...or grody. 

“It has started already,” gasped Polito, “This world will slowly be broiled...all for the sake of collecting everyone on this planet…it was as though my survival was merely allowed...just for this moment….”  
  
Tanya looked to the alien skies, “Collect….huh….”  
  
“You said you lacked any leads,” said Matroyshka, “Think you can follow that?”

The raccoon mused for a moment, "If you're paying."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the patience, y'all. I promised I would keep at this story. Also, Polito's appearance is based off Maetel from Galaxy Express 999. And yeah, I really am planning on giving all of Mao Mao's sisters an M motif.


	10. All My Possessions for A Moment of Time

When Mao Mao started at the controls at first, it was clear he was not a natural pilot. In his defense, he never had to steer something that was clearly meant for space travel. The inside felt weird: having this luxurious cushioned chair surrounded by archaic levers and wheels. The Vehicle of Faith had some glass mirror-like globes meant for readouts and visuals, but for the most part this empire of a thousand worlds had older machinery. Everything about the palace, the machinery, even the costuming screamed something from a distant time.

  


But that wasn’t on Mao Mao’s mind right now. Right now he was grunting and tugging at different gears as the machinery fluttered, zipped, and clunked around mid-air. He growled to himself, “Stupid giant robot. What’s the point of making a machine that has legs and arms?! Planes exist! Got an angel that teleports you anywhere and they still want me flying a work-safety disaster.”

  


It had something to do with his job as Chaplain, he concluded. What did being a Chaplain entail, anyway? All he had been told was that his duty was ‘championing the cause of the emperor and shepherding the masses’. He flew past Singular’s Vehicle leaving trails of orange gas in its wake. The old Mao would have just dismantled that other mech, no questions asked.

  


But old Mao didn’t know what the new Mao knew. He remembered that vision Manat showed him, the world destroyed by his protege and her protege and so on. Manat’s words rang back in his head ‘ a world of endless battle without honor or mercy.’.

  


He finally heaved a group of levers forward at once, bringing it to a grinding halt among trees the size of spires. The Vehicle ran dirt, creating a clawmark shaped trail behind it. Mao Mao didn’t care. He just needed to think.

  


What point was there in saving the world if the world had a worse doom in store? What kind of hero was Mao Mao, he thought to himself. All he did was mindlessly obey a book. Mao Mao reached within his mouth, heaving disgustingly until he produced a wet book from his mouth. The Hero Code. He kept it hidden (or they made him think that). But looking at it now, he saw only his failure as a hero and a mentor. He only saw his father.

  


Growling Mao Mao unsheathed one of his new knives and slashed at the cover. In the past he might have imagined his ancestors looking down in anger and shame. But now he only feels empty. He certainly didn’t feel his father. One stab was enough for Mao Mao. He simply opened the cockpit and placed it in the mech’s hands.

  


Getting back inside, he watched as he made the machine toss it out of his sight.   
  
“Huh,” the feline said to himself, “That’s what the arms are for.

  


After a moment of listening to the leaf-rustling ambiance, his arms folded to himself, Mao Mao sighed, “What do I do now?”

  


As he flopped out the Vehicle of Faith, he crashed down into a pile of leaves. Watching limply. Mao Mao noticed the shape running at him was a regular old possum. They were in a hurry, looking pretty distressed. Mao Mao rose his head from the leaves, “Huh?”

  


They spoke in between deep undulating breaths, “Please...our village...there isn’t anyone for miles...we need...there’s lightning and fire and and--”

  


Mao Mao instantly shot up, “Woah woah woah woah. I don’t understand—actually why don’t you take me to your village okay?”

  


The possum nodded, “Thank you kind sir.”

  


As they ran back the way the smaller possum came, the scent of ozone began filling the air. It didn’t smell like that stuff Singular put out.

  


And then Mao Mao saw it: the burning log homes, the crying possums, and most of all the creature. It was a four-legged skeletal beast like a horse. Only its head had the appearance of some kind of millipede’s body. White hot electricity discharged all over its body in jerky erratic arcs. Mao Mao remarked to himself, “Huh...that is a problem.”

  


The possum explained, “It’s been like this ever since the skies got that bewitching color!”

  


“’Bewitching…?’” the feline asked below his breath, “Er—uh--yeah of course. I’ll take care of this monster, okay? You...you just stand back.”

  


Maybe it would be an easier time to fight the creature in the Vehicle, but Mao Mao felt more at home fighting with his own joints and bones. As he rolled his head, knives at the ready, Mao Mao just hollered. No words or anything, just some yelling.

  


The beast’s head clacked together, sparking intensifying like a battery going haywire. Mao Mao chuckled and did something immediately stupid: he chucked his first dagger at the creature...and missed.

  


“Of COURSE,” growled the feline to himself. As he said that, his palm got smacked hard with something cold: it was the handle of the dagger, returned to his hand. Mao Mao gasped, “So wait...you’ll come back to me?” Mao Mao snorted to himself, gently tickling the blades, “Oh you’re like a better Geraldine baby, yes you are! Now...” Mao Mao spotted the charging ornery beast, drawing it away with his taunts, “Hope you’re hungry, cause I got plenty leftovers...of pain!!!”

  


Keeping his pace with the monster’s side, Mao Mao tossed the blade into the creature’s direction. He missed...quite a lot, but every time the blades came back. But when they did hit, it created a little sparking burst from the creature’s side.

  


It was good, but not enough. The creature’s neck had range and was eager to snap and bite at those blades in Mao Mao’s hands. The cat Chaplain had to flip and slide over and under the creature’s neck to keep himself from getting on the business end of those pincers.

  


Mao Mao groaned. This was just going to be a dance that lasted forever. Cool as they were, knives still couldn’t take out a whole monster...unless…

  


He thought how the creature went after the blades with their mouth. Then after some searching he spotted a mud puddle away from the village.

  


If they wanted to play fetch, thought Mao Mao, then he’ll play fetch. Waving the blade enough that the reflective surface caught their attention, Mao Mao taunted to beast, “Hey hey buddy want it?”

  


Closer and closer the beast came until their muzzle was in biting distance. At that moment Mao Mao tossed the blade, taunting, “Then go get it!!!”  
  
Mindlessly hungry for knife taste, the creature galloped after the blade as it dipped into the mud. As its electric head dipped into the wetness, its brightness intensified to the point it became a bright outline. And just like a light bulb receiving so much power, it finally burst into a smoking ruing of a collapsed beast.

  


Mao Mao wiped the mud against the ground as he headed back towards his Vehicle. Stunned, the possum village followed him in droves. As Mao Mao got into the cockpit, he finally noticed the crowd. His eyes went wide. Not only his eyes, but his ego started to go wide. They were all there...for him. It wasn’t like when he was a kid, driving off a monster only to be whupped by a thankless village, they looked...in awe of the white-clad feline.

  


All for him.

  


The possum he met delicately gripped the side of the cockpit, “Our gratitude...is bottomless kind sir...you saved us...”

  


“Hey no problem, it’s what I do,” Mao Mao said to himself, “All in a day’s work for a Chaplain.”

  


“Chaplain? That sounds important,” said the possum, “We’re lucky you happened upon us, quite fortunate.”

  


“No...not lucky..” Mao Mao rubbed the back of his head, “I was meant to look for people in trouble. It’s what we do!”

  


Mao Mao’s head said to him, yeah save people from the problem you guys make. Like no duh that monster went berserk cause skull guy is literally gassing the--

  


The feline shook his head as he smiled at them. They gathered closer, curious. Another asked, “What wonderful place sends a wonderful soul like you?”

  


Mao Mao’s ego grew wider. They were enraptured with him. They loved him. He rose above them, stretching his hands over them in the way he imagined a preaching Chaplain would, “I’m with people from the stars!”

  


They ooohed.

  


“Yeah they’re from the stars and...you know, things--” he swallowed, thinking about the life he left behind, “Things get better. If you’re someone who wants to be safe and comfy...then the empress has got your back.”

  


“The empress?” a commotion bustled about Mao Mao.

  


He tilted his head uncomfortably as he fiddled with the mech, “Yeah she’s great. Anywayyyyy...gotta radio in—uh how do I radio—can anyone hear me on this?”  
  
A familiar deep voice reverberated from one of the glass spheres, “I hear you, Chaplain. I see you found a group ready for--” Mao Mao covered the Squire’s voice to muffle the one word, “’Collection’.”

  


“I mean, you should probably get over and judge for yourself, right?” asked Mao Mao, laughing uncomfortably.

  


It surprised the cat how fast the Squire’s Vehicle of Faith landed. Mao Mao thought to himself, something he must be doing wrong…

  


The cloaked taller creature in the silver mask stepped out of the machine, winning awed gasps from the possums. The Squire waved to them, “I salute you, creatures. You come to a better life.” The moose walked to Mao Mao’s side, gently squeezing the feline’s shoulder, “Look at them, Mao Mao...barely a day into being Chaplain and you won their adoration. Your father would be proud.”  
  
Mao Mao’s ears perked, his hand gently patting the Squire’s, “Um yeah...my dad...I guess. Anyway...how does this...thing work?”

  


“We will provide the transport, Mao Mao,” replied the Squire, “You must simply prepare them.”

  


A possum tugged at the feline, “Are you gonna fix our village?”  
  
“We really have nowhere to go,” added another possum.

  


All those eyes,--the village, the Squire—they all looked up to him. Only one person looked up to him before…

  


Mao Mao shook his head, “N-no...we’re upgrading! We’re gonna take you to someplace better! Where no monsters will bother you again!”  
  
“Really?” the villager asked.

  


“Yep!” the feline’s tongue had that bitter metal taste, the taste of a mouth that didn’t lie...but didn’t tell the truth either.

  


The Unforgiven Squire pressed his hands together, praying before a beam of light delivered a rectangular ship. It looked solidly wooden, carved with ornate angular reliefs. But oddest of all was the chubby-faced hairless creature carving that served as the front of the ship. It’s pursed lips served as the boarding entrance.

  


Mao Mao walked towards the ship, gesturing toward it, “Just...climb aboard and a new life waits for you.”

  


The possum village nodded dutifully, clambering aboard as they made curious noises. As the last possum boarded, the first Mao Mao met, they said to the Chaplain Mao, “Thank you Chaplain...you really are a hero.”

  


“Awww thank--” before Mao Mao could finish, a column of cyan light consumed them, lifting them away to their unknown destination, “--you really could have waited till I said goodbye.”  
  
“You did your task, my dear Chaplain,” said the moose creature, “You will see them again once our good work is done.”

  


Mao Mao looked downward, “...can I ask a couple questions.”

  


“Why yes,” said the Squire, “What weighs on your mind?”

  


The Chaplain cat sighed, “Ok. First, is the ship necessary when you literally can teleport people? Second, they’ll be okay right?”

  


Again with that massive gloved hand on his shoulder. Looking at the Squire, it felt like looking at him from a different life. The Squire replied, “The angel only aids its allies and artifacts from the Celestial Hall. Or so my eyes have seen time and time again. In answer to your final question, milady wishes all her subjects to live safely under her care. It would do her wishes no good if no people existed under her custodianship.”

  


“Hmm, yeah. Makes sense,” it sounded believable to Mao Mao...maybe because he forced himself to believe it. “So this is what a Chaplain does, huh?”

  


“You are a shepherd to milady’s subjects, giving them not only direction, but the staff of her wisdom.” the Squire may as well be grinning like an idiot under that mask.

  


Mao Mao got shifty-eyed as he boarded his Vehicle of Faith, “Well it’s been great, Squire...but I got more people to...shepherd myeah yeah as you say.”  
  
“I leave you to it, my Chaplain,” the moose waved as he returned to his own vehicle.

  


He wasted no time rushing back to the Vehicle of Faith. The wheels in his head turned. He thought to himself, Mao Mao you sly cat! Just one move and you can fix all your problems!

  


If he got a head start in transporting Badgerclops and Adorabat away, they could live under the radar of the Empress forever. And they would be safe from him! It would be perfect! Sure the planet would be destroyed...but that would happen anyway!

  


At the former Sheriff’s Headquarters Mao Mao touched down to a house littered with trash. Mao Mao groaned to himself, yeah alright it’s understandable with how he sent Badgerclops away last time. At the front door he faltered. Maybe he shouldn’t do this, he thought. After all, how could he convince Badgerclops? He could only explain so much with so little time--

  


The door flung open without Mao Mao’s knock. Looming over him was several feet of pure disheveled cyborg. Most noticeable the badger had managed to grow a fluffy layer of white fur over his mouth like a beard. Mao Mao waved.

  


To say Badgerclops was aghast was an understatement. For several moments the badger stared at him mouth agape.

  


It looked as though Mao Mao would have to start the conversation, “...see you got a new arm. It’s um..nice.”  
  
He pointed at the black metal-plastic material, smooth and hardy. Badgerclops merely continued holding his silence, staring at the white-clad feline.

  


Mao Mao continued, “I know this is out of nowhere and we have a lot to catch up on but we can do it LATER okay?! For now,” the feline focused hard as he meditated on the Angel to send another human-faced transport on the lawn, “Just...if you want to be safe, you and Adorabat have to get in now. No questions, just do it.”  
  
This time Badgerclops had something to say: “So wait. You push me away. Push me and Adorabat away, cut off my arm...and you come RIGHT back to my door like nothing happened.”

  


Adorabat cut in, her eyes clearly holding bags under her eyes, “What are YOU doing here?! You better have a good sorry or I’ll just have to Make you sorry.”

  


Mao Mao replied, “I know I got a lot to say sorry about, but let’s table that for now! And just get on before the planet falls apart!”

  


“So you’re not even here to come back or to have a hot villain-hero swordfight that ends with us kissing,” Badgerclops scoffed, “You just want to push us away, but in a...” He gestures to the vessel, “LOOK! That thing is creepy!”  
  
“HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO PLAY OUR HEARTS?!” screamed Adorabat.

  


Badgerclops added, “You have to have an inkling how fucked this is...right? You can take off the costume and go back to just being Mao Mao.”

  


The cat’s fists were clenched tight, “It’s not that easy. You didn’t see Pure Heart Valley destroyed! Adorabat destroyed! All because of ME!”

  


Badgerclops really did not know how to feel, “Dude...does this have to do with your sister? A really bad mental slump? Talk to me.”

  


“Mao Mao...” Adorabat’s voice went soft, staring at her hero like she was watching a broken and sad toy, “Please...it...it’s ok to be sad….”

  


The feline Chaplain remained with the ship, “People love me now, Badgerclops...this has to be right, on some level. I couldn't do what I did if it wasn’t right, right? People wouldn’t love me if it wasn’t right. So let me keep doing the right thing by keeping you two safe..and then I can make everyone happy! You, my family, the Empress...so for once stop being stubborn and get in thestupidspaceshipsoIcanmagicyouoffthisdoomedPLANET!”

  


The cyborg slowly marched out, taking stock of both the weird as hell ship and mech, “Uh huh...uh huh…and how bout I do this?” He hopped inside the Vehicle of Faith, “YOINK! MY MECHA NOW!”  
  
Frustration now boiled over in Mao Mao’s head, exploding like a backed up washing machine, “BADGERCLOOOPS!!! You’re ruining everything you hear?! EVERYTHING!”  
  


“Yeah I sure am, too bad you aren’t a good pilot as me,” where Mao Mao struggled Badgerclops made the mech take off with ease, “You’re not in a good place, Mao Mao. And if you don’t wanna open up then I’LL be the hero for once and like...blow up the mothership or whatever—ADORABAT!”

  


“I’m coming! You can’t stop me!” The bat said.

  


“Ugh whatever,” Badgerclops said as he sped off.

  


Mao Mao grit his teeth, rushing to the transport vessel. He hoped for a cockpit to play catch up with his Clops, but instead he only found rows of cushioned pews and glowing lightbulbs. Mao Mao growled, “Stupid technology anachronism!!!”  
  
Dread knotted Mao Mao’s stomach. Somehow Badgerclops took a situation from neutral to flaming garbage fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a late addition, but I felt I should take time to really demonstrate Mao Mao's deteriorating mental state. But thanks for those who kept up with it so far, kudos and comments are always appreciated.


End file.
